Surprise Blog

Tonight is finally the premier of the Real World: Back to New Orleans. After reading reviews and cast bios, I'll admit I'm very optimistic for this season. The producers really picked some nutcases, from the looks of it. Since none of the girls are extremely attractive, we have to assume they will make up for it with a whole lotta crazy. Then again, the same could have been send before Real World: Brooklyn about the female cast and we all know how boring they turned out to be (unless you find arguments over doing the dishes entertaining).

I had hoped to put up a huge post ranking and discussing the best and worst female cast members in Real World history but my buddy who I collaborated with for this blog has yet to update his spreadsheet. Yeah, that's right, we did a spreadsheet. This is no joke. Unfortunately, he is dragging on getting that done. It seems he has his priorities mixed up between the blog and work and has been too busy to get it done.

Until then, I figured I needed to do something noteworthy in celebration of the premier of the new season. So I decided it was ripe time for what's quickly becoming my favorite reoccurring segment, "Profiles in Courage." This installment will profile one of the true all time great sources of Unintentional Comedy, the one and only... Brad Fiorenza.

Do you remember Real World: San Diego? I sure do as it was one of the five best seasons, bar none. And surely you can recall the multitude of recent Challenges, right? Haven't they been amazing? Well, there is a common thread in the best seasons of the Real World and the Challenges. That thread is Brad. The beloved meathead with a heart of gold has entertained us for a good 5 years now, and he surely deserves a "Profile in Courage." For no other cast member has embarrassed himself quite like Brad has. In addition, it seems few other regulars on the show have attempted to maintain normal lives and failed the way Brad has. He clearly wants a normal job and to live a relatively normal, stable life. But being the meathead that he is, he must have not realized that his constant failings on the Real World and the Challenges would prove too great an obstacle for him to overcome (much like winning a Challenge also seems to great an obstacle for him).

There's a saying in the Friar's Club that they only roast (make fun of publicly) the ones they love. Well, I share that sentiment in that I only profile and mock the cast members I truly love....to mock. Profiling Brad is a bit bittersweet because he actually seems like a good guy. Granted, he isn't a genius (that's like saying Madonna isn't a virgin or Lindsay Lohan isn't sober, or talented, or sane, or attractive anymore). But his heart seems to be in the right place and he does seem like a fun dude who would have your back if needed. But for our purposes, we cannot focus on that. I will attempt to make it up to Brad at the end of the this blog. You'll see, hopefully.

I was struggling with how to encapsulate all the great moments that define Brad and found there is just too many. So I decided to rank the top 5 moments of Brad Fiorenza's brilliant career so far. But I must give this list the proper context it deserves, so please bear with me.

Brad is as much a tragic hero as Hamlet or Corey Feldman. He has tried to succeed so many times, both in life and on the show, and yet he can't quite make it. Ultimately it is his own flaws that ruin him. Time and time again, Brad shows the entire world that he just isn't meant for the things he seeks most. The only solace one can find in his life is he met and married a very attractive girl who he genuinely seems to love. Unfortunately, she is also a Challenge veteran and he is more than likely to have that blow up in his face too. There is one particular moment that sums up Brad to a T. In occurred during The Challenge: The Duel 2, and it involved a heated argument between Brad and his fiance, Tori, regarding Brad getting a job. Tori was putting a lot of pressure on Brad to get a job, saying he can't keep expecting to support her by doing Challenges (a fairer point was never spoken), and Brad kept responding by noting how bad the job market and economy were.

As my ranking of Brad's greatest moments will show, it is probably not the economy's fault why Brad can't get a real job. When you get arrested twice in one season, can't spell on a 5th grade level, and get knocked out in a drunken rage, it usually doesn't look to to employers. Brad is tragically caught up in a vicious cycle. He can't get a job because of his antics on the Real World and subsequent Challenges, yet he needs to continue to go on these shows to make money, but he never wins, so he has to look for real work, but he can't get real work so he has to go on the shows....etc etc.

Now, without further ado, I present the top 5 reasons why Brad is unemployed.

#5-Brad Gets a Wedgie

The craziest thing about this moment is Brad's sudden mood swing after it occurs. He seems rather happy go lucky, or at least unaware this is going on, then he all of a sudden flies into a rage and gets very, very serious. When Brad drinks, Brad is awesome and scary, but mostly sad. I love how he realizes that getting a wedgie isn't funny about 5 minutes after it happens. So his thought process is along the lines of "I'm out of control! Yay! I'm getting a wedgie, fun!!! Now I'll join in and pull it up over my head. Now it's a necklace!! Best night ever!!! THIS IS NOT FUNNY! I'M OUT OF HERE!!!"

I understand that people get crazy when they are drunk. I've been there myself. But the complete 180 in personality Brad takes is just too insane for even drunkards. I could just imagine Brad going in for an interview, everything going well, then the interviewer pulling up the youtube clip and asking "And how would you explain this?"

Best line in that whole clip from Brad talking about the Miz: "Congratulations. You're a MeatHead, son. But don't ever put your hands on my underwear again!"

#4 The Spelling Bee

I understand it is difficult to make a great impression to the world by going on The Real World and the Challenges, but even so, this is especially embarrassing. During the Duel 2, they had a challenge where they had to spell words correctly. If they messed up, they would be dropped from the platform. Now, a lot of the contestants faired poorly, but Brad's idiocy took the cake.

I can't

#3 Brad Gets Arrested...Twice

I've never been arrested in my life, but I can see how a Real Worlder might find themselves in the slammer once. After all, they are drunk and surrounded by a bunch of drunks who want to harass them for having cameras with them. It happens. But twice?! Only Brad can pull that off. The thing about Brad is he makes getting arrested very funny. He even giggles when the arresting cop mentions something about the penal code. He also doesn't seem to realize that being thrown in jail on camera is not a good thing in life. You never hear Brad talk about regretting getting arrested twice on camera. I would love if he wrote a book about the effect the show has had on his life, but then again, I'm not a big fan of the way children write.

#2 Brad gets drunk and instigates a fight with Darrell. He subsequently gets knocked out

No moment defines the tragedy that is Brad like the episode of The Ruins. Brad was put on the Challengers team, and they never really stood a chance. One by one, all the decent players were getting eliminated. And soon all that was left was Brad and Dunbar as the only guys left. Brad sensed his team was screwed since he had never won a challenge and Dunbar is the Challenge equivalent of Eric Lindros (everyone thinks he's great but he never wins anything). So Brad does what any sane almost 30 year old would do: Get extremely drunk and pick a fight with an amateur boxer.

Brad getting knocked out may have been the symbolic KO of his reality career. Once again, he self destructed by doing something incredibly stupid and not only did he not win the Challenge, but he got knocked out on tv for the whole world (well, at least a whole lot of 13-18 year olds) to see. This guy just can't catch a break. I was considering not posting this clip, but it just had to be done.

#1 Ok, I've had a lot of good times and laughs at the expense of Brad. And it's easy to see why he is a Real World All Star. But my number 1 moment for Brad is actually not something he is doing to embarrass himself. During the final challenge of the Gauntlet 3, each team had to tie themselves to one another so that everyone had to finish. The point was you are only as strong as your weakest link. For the Veterans, the Weakest Link was Big Easy, all 400 pounds of him. There was no way he was finishing the challenge. Hell, he couldn't even swim half a mile. This guy was just not going to make it. Throughout the challenge, everyone is screaming at him not to give up. They are seriously pissed. But Big Easy is looking pale. All of a sudden he goes down. He has that look in his eyes that he might not make it. It was a legitimately scary situation. Yet everyone was just pissed about losing out on the money, not for his health. Everyone except Brad. Throughout it all, he was the only one that cared more about Big Easy's health than winning some stupid prize. It was a selfless act in the face of callousness. Brad showed what he was really all about that day. Bottom line is he is a good, genuine guy who probably doesn't deserve a lot of the crap that has happened to him. I honestly hope he finds real work and doesn't have to come on these shows again, even though I'll miss out on lots of good material.

So I toast you, Brad, to all you have given us loyal viewers, and here's hoping there isn't a spelling test in Heaven.

I leave you with this quote from Brad:

"Now it's a NECKLACE!!"

Real World Look Back: Seattle

1998 was a tumultuous time in America. The Monica Lewinsky scandal erupted, Titanic won 11 Academy Awards, and Google was founded. But for me, my world was forever turned upside by an event that surpassed all other events: Real World:Seattle premiered. From that point on, my life would involve a series of references to hot tubs, alcohol poisoning, and questionable life decisions by some of America's finest. Real World: Seattle was the first season I became fully aware of the show, following every episode and really delving into the characters. This was the season that hooked me in, for better or much much much worse.

So let's take a look back at the season that got it started for me and many others. The Real World...Seattle!

The cast- I've decided to separate the cast based on how they performed on the season. They will be divided into: Minor Leaguers (should not have been on the show, dragged down the entire season) Role Players (served a purpose, had some moments, but ultimately did not make the season), All-Stars ( made the season much better, not the main star, but could carry the show for a few episodes), MVPs (was the star, took the show to another level) and finally, Hall of Famer (left a lasting impact on the series, so over the top they transcend the show)

For the most part, Real World: Seattle was comprised of role players and All-Stars. There was no one that was so bad that the show suffered. While there were transcendent moments, only one person truly rose to MVP status.

Role Players:

Janet Choi: I'm not sure, but she was the first Asian American cast member. Has anyone noticed that there hasn't been a male asian cast member? What is up with that? My theory is white guys make up a significant chunk of the audience, and white guys tend to find asian women exotic and hot. It's the only thing I can come up with. Janet really didn't have any compelling story lines, mainly because she was too normal. It's no knock on Janet as a person, but she really isn't the Real World-type that we are all looking for. Aside from struggling to balance her parents Korean values with her Gen X lifestyle, she really had no emotional or family baggage. It's a shame, she could've been great. Maybe if she had an eating disorder.

Nathan Blackburn: Went to VMI with David, broke up with his long time girlfriend, the end.

Lindsay Brien: Wild child, cute girl. Really didn't add a whole lot. She had some moments but was mostly there to progress the story for others. When her good friend committed suicide, it really gave the season a sense of purpose. A lot of people, myself included, joke about how fake the show seems. But that was genuine, real emotion that no one should have to go through, and she went through it on camera. Lots of kudos for the way she handled it all.

Rebecca Lord: Sounds like a porn star name, but she doesn't live up to the name. This season didn't have a ridiculously hot or promiscuous girl, and Rebecca was the closest that they had. This is a problem. A truly great season needs to have certain elements, one of which is a very hot and/or slutty girl. It is a testament to the collective strength of the cast that they pulled off a great season despite not having one.

All-Stars

David Burns: Wow, what to say about this guy. If it wasn't for Stephen and Irene, he would have been the obvious MVP choice. At first look, you wouldn't think so since he is in a military academy. But dig a little deeper and we find out he was a drug addict. Bingo! He winds up getting extremely obsessive during the few romances he has. In the second episode, he flirts with housemate Rebecca. Then Rebecca shows interest in some other guy. So David does the non-stalker thing by waiting up all night til her date ended, then called her a heart breaker who leaves a trail of destruction in her wake. Fun guy! The next relationship meltdown involved the casting director for the show. Luckily, the casting director, Kira, has some serious issues of her own. Who puts their job on the line in the first place for some person they just met? She was a casting director for MTV, and she gave it up for a former drug addict who she only knew for a couple of months. Jeez, when I say it like that, it makes perfect sense! During this train wreck of a relationship, David utters the following gems:

"When you stole my heart, you stole my sexual desire. For the first time I'm giving my heart to another woman."

"This is my life. I would choose you over anything."- You sure, David? What about some drugs, some delicious wonderful drugs?

All of this pales in comparison to one of the great moments of the show. This moment almost propelled David to MVP status. To be an MVP, you need a season defining moment. If he was on any season in the last 5 years, he would have had the season defining moment and gone down as a legend. As such, he is a very serviceable All-Star, much like Scottie Pippen was to MJ.

Signature Moment: Who could forget the passionate argument between David and Kira in the car? They didn't want to be in front of the cameras, so they hid in a car. Unfortunately, VMI must not teach common sense because they still left their mics on. I wish Youtube had it, but suffice it to say David is literally screaming at the top of his lungs and crying about how much he loves Kira ( they couldn't have been dating more than a couple of months, by the way) and he really deserved at least an Emmy nod for his performance.

Irene McGee: You may be asking yourself: Wait, why isn't she the MVP? She was insane and had to leave the show because of Lyme's Disease and got slapped!! Here is my reasoning:

Irene was clearly an odd flower but most of the season she was kind of in the background. Before she went crazy from Lyme's Disease, she was having a subpar season. Also, she left the show early so that really hurts her cause. However, she was an amazing house mate who made the season legendary. A good, recent comparison can be made to the movie "Zombieland." Bill Murray had a cameo that stole the entire movie. You could say he was the MVP, but in reality, he was only in the movie for about ten minutes.

Irene was one of the more unattractive Real Worlders, which normally implies she must be batshit insane to have gotten on the show. Well, she came close. It truly all started around Episode 14 (thank you MTV for your episode summaries to refresh my memory) when Irene started acting a little odd. She obsessively cleans the house, utters non-sequiturs that just leave the rest of the cast confused, and has frequent emotional breakdowns. Now, anyone watching the show would have bet money that some tragic event from Irene's past was causing this behavior. But only Irene could pull off Lyme's Disease.

No one can honestly say what Lyme's Disease is, what the symptoms are, etc. So for Irene to have to go home because of it was simply confusing. But it turned out to be a godsend for the viewers because it caused a chain of events that led to maybe the defining moment. But I have to discuss that in the MVP's section.

MVP

Stephen Williams: Every great season must have an MVP, someone who was the main focal point of the season, who could be counted on to deliver week in and week out, but more importantly, had the defining moment of the season. Stephen certainly fit that criteria. He clashed with most of the house mates, nearly came to blows a couple of times, and even questioned his sexuality.

This part needs to be discussed further. Let's break it down. Stephen had a girlfriend prior to joining the show, but his mannerisms and speech suggested he may be gay. But he was adament that he wasn't. The unintentional comedy reached a fever when he befriended a gay man named David. When Stephen's boss started a rumor that he was gay, he got very defensive. But the funniest part was when he went into the confessional and said he was very "confused." Gold, pure and simple. When a guy says he is straight and dates women, then befriends a gay guy and starts questioning his sexuality, he isn't confused. He's kidding himself. Stephen was obviously gay but in some sort of bizarre denial about it. Be gay, be proud of it, and own your feelings, buddy. What makes Stephen even better is after filming, Stephen came out as gay and said he was engaged. What makes Stephen EVEN BETTER is in 2002 he was arrested for male prostitution. Yes, this is Stephen Williams, and he is a Real World MVP.

-Why isn't he a Hall of Famer? Well, he didn't take the show to another level every episode. In fact, there were enough episodes where he wasn't involved to make a case he isn't an MVP. While he rubbed his roommates the wrong way many times, he wasn't actually that hated by his roommates. If you compare him to true Hall of Famers, you will see a distinct difference between Stephen, and let's say, Ruthie. For example, after the incident I will discuss below, Stephen talked with his roommates, apologized, and all was forgiven. The same did not happen with Ruthie after her drunk driving episode.

Signature Moment: Really this one of the 5 signature moments of the series. Aptly dubbed "The Slap," this was one of the more disturbing incidents of violence on the Real World because it was a man hitting a woman.

-Side note: Doesn't this just make the Jersey Shore seem that much crazier. Stephen slapped Irene, and honestly, not that hard, although still absolutely inexcusable. Snookie gets sucker punched hard! Jersey Shore is clearly the Real World on steroids, which is funny in itself because of all the references to steroids on this blog. Hey, I'm clever!

"The Slap" began the episode before when Stephen and Irene got into an argument and Stephen refused to sympathize with Irene's Disease. When Irene was saying her goodbyes, she pulled Stephen aside and said it would never work out between them because Stephen was a homosexual. Stephen responded by grabbing his crotch(naturally) and calling her a bitch. He then ran, got Irene's beloved teddy bear which he had been hiding, and threw it off the pier. Not content, he then ran up to her car as it was pulling away, opened Irene's door, and slapped her.

View the clip here: http://jezebel.com/350376/vintage-real-world-seattles-stephen--irene-in-the-slap-heard-round-the-world

When I watched that episode, I was dazed. It didn't seem that it really happened because it was so shocking and unexpected. Seriously, who would react that way? I guess considering how Stephen turned out, it may not be so surprising. I think the most amazing thing is that Stephen didn't get kicked out. The producer's left it up to the cast to decide. I'm sorry, but shouldn't there just be some things that are automatic eviction. You know, like drug use, violence against women, being Erika from RW: DC. (Seriously, the casting director should have been fired for that selection)

Real World Seattle was a great season. It served as a perfect bridge between the early seasons and the later seasons. The characters were dynamic and exciting. There was plenty of unintentional comedy, plus some truly raw and emotional moments. They weren't on the show to become famous, but they were there for the right reasons of having a once in a lifetime experience. The producers caught the vibe of Seattle fairly accurately, which is one of the more underrated necessities for a great season. So thank you, Real World Seattle cast mates, wherever you are, for opening me up to the show and providing a 14 year old insight into how screwed up I potentially could become when I reached my twenties.

I leave you all with this quote, which sums it all up pretty well:

"Kira, you're breaking my haaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!!" David

Over a 100 page views!! (well, over ten if you discount times I viewed it)

I signed into the blog recently to discover I have surpassed a 100 page views! I'm really surprised I have even gotten that many. And I only have viewed the blog about 30-40 times, so at least some people are reading. Also, it looks like some people might actually be following the blog and checking in to see if I posted anything new, which is awesome. Thank you so much for the support!

Since other people are now reading this blog, I want to make sure I am talking about things you want to read. So please, post comments and mention if there is anything you want me to bring up on the blog. I'm always looking for new topics. Also, please join my facebook page so you can be notified when I update my blog. I will add links to facebook, digg, and other social media pages once I figure out how to do that stuff. That way, people can link to the blog on their facebook or digg accounts.

Again, thanks to all for the support. And in honor of this occasion, I am adding a new feature to the end of all my posts. A famous quote from Real World past.

"I will work you Adam. WORK YOU!" -CT Tamburello

A Renewed Enthusiasm

MTV sure doesn’t want me to lose my buzz.

On June 30th, just three weeks after the Challenge finished airing, we are treated to a brand new installment of the Real World. New Orleans reprises its role as the host city, which is good because I didn’t watch the first season in New Orleans.

It pains me to say that as each year goes by, I am less and less excited about the coming season of the Real World. I used to circle the date on my calendar (not actually, who has calendars anyway?) and eagerly await a new season of interesting, sexually permissive twenty somethings. No matter if I had a test the following morning or there was a big party that night, I knew where I would be. I remember recapping the episode with my buddy Josh, analyzing the new cast members like they were hot prospects for the Yankees.* It was inane, harmless fun. And I feel like I’ve really lost that, and I’m not sure why.

* Side note: Evaluating Real World cast members really is like evaluating prospects in professional sports. The advent of fantasy baseball and fantasy Real World/Road Rules Challenges further the parallels. Think about it. When you are looking at a new baseball player, you look at many factors, such as hitting, fielding, speed, clutchness, etc. This is similar to looking at a new Real World cast member. Are they good looking, bitchy, stupid, obnoxious, psychotic. Baseball experts will throw around the phrase “5 tool player” which signifies they are above average in 5 major hitting categories. I’m sure we could develop an equivalent rating system for cast members. I really just want to be able to say in a sentence “Wow, CT hooked up with a lot of girls, got into a few fights, lost his job, and shouted racial slurs at locals. He really is a 5 tool player who will entertain for years to come!” Since the Real World is now a feeder system into the Challenge, we could judge how they perform on their season and determine if they would make good Challenge participants. I’m definitely pitching the idea to MTV of hiring me to be the Real World talent scout. I’m made for this position.*

Why has Real World fallen off? It’s a subjective question, to be sure. So many times you will hear people complain that their favorite band has gone sour on their last two albums, and then the other half of the fan base completely disagrees. But there are objective facts that support my claim that the show isn’t what it used to be. For instance, the season finale of Real World DC was the lowest rated finale in the 23 seasons of the show, and that season had the three lowest rated and 5 of the 6 lowest rated shows of all time. But a case could be made that this was an anomaly owed in large part to the new direction the producers took the show. They were trying to show the more “socially conscious” and “idealistic” part of being a young twenty something. Turns out, the people who like the show aren’t interested in that. The numbers support this argument as previous seasons did relatively the same as earlier seasons.

(Ironically, one of my favorite episodes in recent memory was the episode where Mike (the gay or bisexual one, depending on if he’s drinking beer or appletinis) had to deal with his boyfriend’s family disowning him. I thought that was a powerful episode that harkened back to the beginnings of the Real World.)

It’s tough to admit that I am getting older and just am losing my adoration of this show that has been so great to me for so many years. After most episodes, I am just left disappointed that it didn’t meet my expectations. But if you were to ask a 17 year old, they probably loved Real World: Cancun. There are certain seasons that are just going to appeal to the younger demographic, which I am slowly being phased out of. Every new season just further reinforces the notion that this show is not geared towards my sarcastic disposition on life. And that is why I criticize the show constantly. It’s a show I now love to hate. I love to pick apart the shallowness and idiocy of the cast. It is genuinely fun to watch an episode and then make fun of everyone with my buddy Josh. To continue with the sports analogies, the Real World has turned from a championship winning team to a perennial loser that you keep watching and talking about. I know my team sucks and that they will only disappoint me this season. The only true pleasure I can derive from them is to make fun of their woeful ineptitude and regal myself with tales from the glory days.

So now another season of hope of greatness, but ultimately disappointment and mockery, is upon us. Will this season be my 2008 Tampa Bay Rays, a group of individuals who come out of nowhere and shock the reality tv world? Or will I be at my computer, two weeks from now, discussing how much fun it is to watch a college dropout-turned club promoter argue with a media and communications major (translation: hostess) over the existence of God? I just don’t know, and I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.

Facebook Page To Join

In an effort to promote the blog, I started up a facebook page here : http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/The-Real-Real-World-Blog/105333489513587?ref=ts

Final thoughts on The Challenge:Fresh Meat 2

So another season of the Challenge has come and gone. I feel a bit empty, like I didn't get a full course. For some reason this season seemed short. My initial reaction after watching it all is this season was somewhat disappointing, but ultimately redeeming. It was disappointing because the main story arc, Wes vs Kenny, never fully materialized into a big confrontation. The alliance angle fizzled out within a few episodes, and it became a forgone conclusion halfway through the season who would be in the finale.

Still, the last episode was compelling. I thought it was Kenny/Laurel all the way, but Landon and Carley got out to a lead and never relinquished it. Now that I think of it, you rarely, if ever, see one team get out to a lead in these challenges and then give it up. Landon and Carley winning wasn't a good guys triumphing over bad guys since I don't think Kenny/Laurel were the bad guys. They had an alliance made up of their friends and they remained loyal to their alliance. They played a straight game and deserved to win, just like Landon and Carley. The one main drawback to Landon winning is it may ensure future Challenges. I like the guy, but he is bland. He is the AC Green of the Challenges.

Side note: AC Green was a basketball player for the Los Angeles Lakers during their "Showtime" era in the mid 1980's. He was also a virgin amongst a bunch of NBA guys getting laid constantly while in L.A. Landon is a choir boy among a much of hell demons. Or even more appropriate, amongst a thousand STD's, he's the condom.

This season had some flare ups (Danny fighting the black guy, Jenn fighting the ditzy blonde white girl) but nothing really came of those fights. And, as mentioned, Wes and Kenny never came to blows or a significant confrontation. There were no major "What just happened?!" moments either. I remember a season of the challenge when one team threw a challenge for the first time. It blew my mind (I swear I wasn't high). That just didn't happen in this season. I think, overall, the problem was the format. Male/female tandems are just no t as exciting as the two team format. There is more opportunities for backstabbing and throwing of challenges.

Immediately after the season finale came the reunion show, which is often the best part of the show. People have had a chance to watch the season and find out what people were saying behind their backs. Well, there were a lot of things I wish were said this reunion that weren't, unfortunately. For one, I wish Luke actually showed up to counter everything that Evelyn was saying. Apparently, she actually carried more weight during than Luke during their exile. That is both sad and hilarious. It sure doesn't make Luke look good, but at the same time, do you really want to be that butch? Seriously, get the sex change already. I was also disappointed no one really called Evelyn out on her bullshit, kind of like I've been doing all season. Like how about the time she was more than willing to throw other members of her alliance under the bus to save herself?

One topic of discussion was Laurel claiming Landon completely carried Carey and Laurel maintaining she was the best girl there. Here's my thoughts on that:

Yes, Laurel was physically the best female there. And yes, Carey needed to be carried at points. No one is saying that if Landon was teamed with Laurel, they wouldn't have done even better. But the fact is Laurel also struggled mightily at the final challenge. And even more importantly, Carey won $100,000. There is no argument Laurel can make that trumps that. Saying that Carley didn't deserve the win is classless. Just be gracious and say you'll get her next time.

Kenny was hilarious, as usual. He tore into Wes and just left his speechless. He verbally beat him like a redheaded stepchild, which is twice as bad considering Wes is actually red headed. At the beginning of the show, Kenny launched into a rant about how everyone came on the show to be famous, and he was the only one who could admit it. If I get any message across, it is this: The people who are most self aware tend to be the most successful. It's not a surprise that Kenny is the most successful Real World/Challenge cast member, insofar as garnering fame goes (the funniest part of that is if Kenny is the most famous cast member, that is not saying much about the general celebrity level of former Real Worlders).

There really isn't much else to discuss with this season. It was an ok season, but nothing really memorable about it. It probably would have been much better if Wes and Kenny faced off against each other in the end. But alas, it was not to be. If I had to pick a lineup for the next challenge, I would want to include the following people: Kenny, Evan, Johnny, Wes, Abram, Noor, Timmy (RR: Second Adventure, probably the funniest cast member, but pretty old) Brad, Mike "The Miz" (RW New York), Frank, and Alton (RW: Vegas) and Tonya, Evelyn, Laurel, Ruthie, Veronica, Casey, Robyn, Beth, and Jenn. I would like a good mix of good competitors, but I would like to see an old school vs new school battle amongst an alliance featuring Kenny, Evan and Johnny versus Abram, Mike, and Brad. Throw in an Alton, Frank, Noor and Timmy combo and I'm in Challenge Heaven.

Lucky for all of us, a new season of Real World is almost upon us. The Real World is a different beast, which I will get into next time. See you all soon.

Fresh Meat 2 Season Finale Running Diary

I'm taking a page from my hero, Bill Simmons, and doing a running diary of the season finale of The Challenge: Fresh Meat 2. These are my actual thoughts as the show was going on in real time. Hope you enjoy it.

10:00-Alright here we go! The culmination of a disappointing Challenge season!!

10:05 You have to go with Jenn and Noor here for the win. Ryan has the athleticism of Andy Dick.

10:06 I like how Ryan doesn’t even refer to his partner when explaining their chances. He says “Jenn and I haven’t seen an exile yet.” Ok, but Theresa is your partner.

10:07 Ryan and Theresa in the lead, the puzzle is difficult?

10:08 Ryan is already dying. Not looking good. But Noor seems to have some trouble also.

10:09 I love how much trouble people have with a 4x 4 sudoku. C’mon, that is ridiculously easy. Ok, maybe I’m a puzzle nerd.

10:11 Ryan: “This exile is taking a toll on all 4 of us.” Or you just all suck.

10:12 What’s the point of all this drama? Neither Ryan/Theresa or Jenn/Noor stand any chance of winning this thing. For that matter, no one other than Kenny/Laurel has a chance. The main drawback of this season is that the whole thing was pretty much settled when Wes went home.

10:15 I’m glad Noor moved on. He needed to do well in this Challenge to ensure he would become a fixture on future Challenges.

10:15 By the way, my fiancé is passed out on the couch. Her level of interest couldn’t be lower, and I have a blog on the show. Match made in heaven.

10:16 How did Ryan prove he was an athlete? He never won a challenge, and the only time he went into exile, he lost. Someone explain his line of thinking.

10:19 Kenny: “I’m going to show you guys, for the 4^th time, why I’m the king of sting, the ultimate awesome, suck my ass, I’m going to win this one.”

10:22 Cool! Canoes. It’s going to be like in Lord of the Rings. Wait, what?

10:23 Predictions: 1^st Kenny/Laurel 2^nd Pete/Jillian 3^rd Landon/Carley 4^th Noor/Jenn

10:30 Landon/Carley out to the early lead, a bit surprised. I’m wondering where this would rank on the all time sports upset scale.

10:32 I like that they have the information for the song currently playing on the bottom of the screen. Now all they need to do is play a song I actually like.

10:34 The more I watch this show, the more I realize I could be very good. Now I just need to take some steroids, get a std, and lose all semblance of self respect.

10:36 The puzzle isn’t hard. You all are just stupid. I seriously think the producers put so many puzzles in the show for shits and giggles.

10:36 So Pete is not being supportive of Jill. Because she can’t ride a bike!!!

10:38 Laurel seems like she is quitting. TJ Lavin is not going to be happy.

10:39 I think Landon and Carley got this. “Mr. Handsome” is flipping out on Laurel now. This loss is not on him.

10:41 I am rooting for Landon, he’s a good guy who plays the game with integrity but hasn’t pulled out a win yet. He deserves one.

10:45 Landon is pulling an amazing performance. He is literally carrying all the weight on his back. He is just taking over the game.

10:47 How are you not sprinting here, Landon and Carley? Kenny is sprinting because he is a gamer. Laurel, not so much, but at least she is moving.

10:49 Look, I know these guys aren’t professional athletes. And I am sure this is physically grueling, probably something I couldn’t do. But Kenny is sprinting up this mountain. This is absolutely the equivalent of Kobe driving hard to the lane in triple overtime with nothing left in the tank.

10:53 Landon just said that even though Carley is exhausted, she never gives up. I think we just found out who is winning this thing.

10:55 Landon and Carley win!! What a great victory for a great team. They were just good people who played a good game. They were on the wrong alliance, and paid for it, but they just kept plugging along and really deserve this. I have to say, this is the first time I actually am genuinely happy for someone in this game.

10:56 I’m surprised, but not shocked that they won. Both Landon and Carley are strong players, which is vital to winning this thing.

10:57 You can tell this really hurts Kenny. This is his life, and to lose one of these things has to sting and make him reevaluate some things. But hopefully he’ll be back for the next one. These Challenges aren’t the same without Kenny. Also, much respect for the class him and Laurel showed in defeat. They are good people, unlike uber bitch Evelyn. God I hate her.

11:00 Oh, fuck. The Reunion show is up next. I can’t do it. I’ll have some final thoughts on the season tomorrow.

11:01 What did I just see? Kenny and Wes were just in a commercial for 7Eleven, and they were farmers who were fighting about something. Just surreal, I really don’t know what to even say right now.

Quick Update Before the Finale

Tonight is the season finale of Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat 2. But before that begins, I had a few administrative things to touch up on. First, the posts have been Challenge-heavy but that will change when the new Real World season starts. I'm also slowly going to post more "Retro" blogs, where I discuss past seasons and past cast members. Eventually, I'll have more themed posts, such as "Best Of's" and "Top 10s."

I wish I would post more frequently like some of the other blogs out there, but I'm trying to go for lengthier pieces. Sometimes, when I decide to write about a particular subject, I feel like this is going to be my definitive statement on that. But I suppose there are many subjects that can be talked about many times in different ways. For example, my hero, Bill Simmons, has written countless columns on Kobe Bryant. He doesn't need to write just one mega column encapsulating every aspect of Kobe's career. I definitely touch upon subjects during my blogs that I make a conscious effort to not expand upon on the basis that I will do a full blog later. I think it's time to stop restricting myself, and hopefully it will show through in coming columns.

Finally, I try to advertise any way I can, and it seems I have gotten a couple of views. If you love the blog, please comment. If you hate it, please comment. I'm very likely a crappy writer, and I don't mind being called on it. Alright, I'll be doing a running diary of the finale so look forward for that.

Profiles in Courage

What do you make of someone who refers to themselves as “Mr. Beautiful?” Kenny Santucci is an enigma. He should be a hated villain on the Real World, but he is actually extremely likeable. He is boisterous, obnoxious, and egotistical, yet I actively root for him in these competitions and laugh at his over the top insults and tomfoolery. Kenny says some pretty abhorrent things. For example, talking about Evelyn going to exile, Kenny quipped “I hope she falls out of the van and dies.” But you know what? I laughed and said Amen.

I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of a parallel in the sports world. At first I thought of Terrell Owens since it seemed obvious. They both are larger than life, gregarious characters who boast and primp for the cameras. But the key difference is that I actually like Kenny, whereas T.O. is an annoying primadonna. No, I think a more appropriate comparison is Charles Barkley. Sir Charles can pretty much say anything he wants today, and no one bats an eye. He can get arrested for drunk driving and shouting vulgarities at a police officer and come on TNT the next week and act as though nothing happened. And we love him for it. Kenny is the same. He says whatever is on his mind, no matter how insulting it might be. He will downright offend certain people, yet they will be quick to forgive his taunts. Case in point, Sarah (RW:Brooklyn). On the last season of the Challenge, Kenny constantly tormented Sarah. It almost crossed the line for me numerous times. Eventually she broke down. So where is their relationship now? They are best of buds still. Kenny has this charm about him that you just can’t stay mad at. Same with Barkley.

“Mr. Beautiful” doesn’t just have a way with words. He has a way with steroids. On his first season, he was 6 feet of skin and bones. Fast forward to today and the guy is jacked. It is not even an open secret anymore that the guys on the show are juicing. TJ Lavin put it out there on a deleted scene a few years back, and no one seemed to dispute his claim. Now, normally I am vehemently opposed to steroids. But in the case of the Challenge, I am strongly in support of them for two reasons:

1. It makes these guys better athletes. Let’s be real here. There is no purity or integrity on the Challenges. Baseball, basketball , and sort of football are games rooted in our collective history. Adding steroids to these sports taints the legacy of the games (again, football not so much). But when the entire premise behind a tv series is “let’s get attractive young people together and add alcohol and a hot tub and hope clothes come off and fights break” integrity and honor have gone out the window. So when MTV producers decide to add athletic competition to a drunken orgy, we should expect that steroids will also be added to the recipe.

So now that we understand why steroids are an integral part of the Challenge, shouldn’t we want to have our athletes get as big and athletic as possible for our own enjoyment. I’m sorry, but seeing Ryan and Chet (RW: Brooklyn) go against each other in a duel just isn’t the same as Wes verse CT. It’s the same reason why you don’t want to see David Eckstein and Omar Vizquel in a home run derby.

2. Roid rage. When people get drunk, sometimes they get a little violent. Now, when a steroid user gets drunk, often times things get awesome. Unless you’re Adam (RW:Paris). He faced the wrath of a drunken, juiced up CT (who let’s face it, is crazy regardless of drugs and alcohol) and suffered a huge beat down to the point that CT was literally chasing him throughout the house.

The bottom line is fights make for great television and using steroids increases the likelihood of fights. So I am staunchly in favor of the use of steroids for the purpose of increasing the chances of a melee. Until somebody gets killed, then I delete this post and rant against the dangers of steroids on the Challenge.

So it’s easy to see how Kenny is a great cast member based on his personality and habitual use of PEDs. But in case you haven’t noticed, he is awesome at this game. Fresh Meat II is Kenny’s 7^th Challenge. Forget about that fact that he started these things in 2006 and has already done 7 challenges. That does not make him a loser at all. Nope, it makes him a really cool dude. Kenny has already won 3 of these things. If we assume he wins this season, too, then he ties Darrell for most Challenge victories with 4. 4 for 7, pretty good. To win these challenges, you must excel in three areas: Athletics, Deception, and Politicking. Kenny has excelled in all those areas. Let’s look back at all the seasons Kenny participated in.

Season 1: Fresh Meat: Kenny was a rookie here and had a relatively weak teammate in Tina (RR: South Pacific). Tina is the type of girl who is always talking about how great she is and how many bitches’ asses she has to kick. The only problem is she is out of shape and rubs people the wrong way. Thus, people can’t wait to throw her in. Do you know how many Challenges she’s been on the winning side in? 0. That’s right, and Kenny was the unlucky bastard who got paired with her. But you know what? Kenny and Tina still finished second despite going into two exiles. That right there is a great showing for a rookie.

Season 2: The Duel. This was going to be a tough one because it was dependent mainly on alliances. Kenny was still relatively new to the challenges, and thus did not fair as well. He did last until Episode 5, but was sent home over a puzzle elimination game. Now Kenny is not a scientist, unless you count successfully completing a steroid cycle as science. So a puzzle is never going to be good news for him. He was partly unlucky, but not fully ready to succeed at the Challenges.

Season 3: Inferno 3. Kenny’s first win, the one that put him on the map as a legit player. He played this game perfectly, avoiding any infernos and winning the whole shebang with 5 other teammates. Of course, in this season they put Johnny “Bananas” on the Good Guys team. This is the same guy who one day will commit an act of domestic violence.

Season 4: Gauntlet 3. This was my favorite season, although Kenny had little to do with that. He made it through to the end once again without being sent into the gauntlet. He now was clearly an alpha dog. He joined the pantheon of All-Stars. If there was a Mount Rushmore of Challenges, Kenny’s face would be right there next to Evan. An interesting side plot this season involved the budding bromance between Kenny and Evan. Those two were meant for each other. They both started in Fresh Meat and immediately took control of the game. Kenny’s team didn’t win in the end, but it wasn’t due to him. You got to take notice when a player firmly establishes himself as a elite player and the team doesn’t even win. Season 4 deserves its own column.

Season 5: The Island: I would have to say this was one of the best seasons in terms of strategy. Kenny picked an alliance with Johnny, Paula, and a few others and road it to a victory. The great thing about Kenny this season was he was part of a group that royally screwed over a good friend. Johnny “Bananas” was an absolute dick this season, giving rise to his future nickname, Johnny “Domestic Violence.” Kenny was his best friend during the season, and it seemed that his ass would be on the chopping block like Kenny’s when TJ Lavin kept deciding to change the rules.

-Side note: Have you ever seen a season where they kept changing the rules simply to keep the season interesting. There was an alliance in place that was clearly running things. It became obvious who the winners would be from about halfway through the season. You can blame this on the producers who created a game where you actually wanted to go into an exile. Thus, the people in power could control who went in and who lost out on a chance to make it to the end. So the producers decide to throw multiple wrenches into the game and constantly change the rules to suit the people not in power. It was kind of like MTV’s version of socialism. For a sport that is trying to gain legitimacy as America’s fourth professional sport, this season really set the Challenge back some years.

So Kenny and Johnny were calling the shots the entire time, but Kenny had to be a loyal friend and ally by working behind the scenes to keep Johnny safe. This despite the fact that Johnny was a significant liability, based on the aforementioned dickish behavior. Yet Kenny somehow managed to secure a victory for himself, Johnny, Good Guy Derrick, and Mongrel-Bitch Evelyn. At the same time, he was able to come across as a good guy despite screwing over his good friend, Paula. Of all the seasons, this was Kenny’s best performance.

Season 6: The Ruins: Kenny took a season off to do god knows what. Seriously, what possibly was going on in his life that he couldn’t do another Challenge. Job? Something tells me this wasn’t the reason. If I ever get a chance to talk with Kenny, I have to remind myself to ask him this.

This was a fantastic season that featured Darrell knocking out a belligerently drunk Brad. One of the best Brad moments ever (There will be a list, trust me.) This season featured a Murderer’s Row of Challenge Veterans, including Kenny, Johnny, Evan, Darrell, Brad, and Derrick. Built as a Champions Vs. Challengers, it was no surprise that the final team of Kenny, Johnny, Evan, Susie, and Derrick beat Sarah and Kellyanne. Yes, you heard correctly. That was the final two teams. This season wasn’t anything special for Kenny, just another W. Are these even fun anymore for him?

I feel like Kenny has become Jordan from 1996-1998. Jordan was still winning championships, only now they were coming easier. The same for Kenny. The Ruins and Fresh Meat 2 seemed like foregone conclusions that Kenny was winning. Sure there were some compelling moments (Jordan’s game winner over Byron Russell in the 98 Finals, Kenny ruining the Wes/Evelyn alliance in Fresh Meat 2) but overall their greatness simply overwhelmed the competition.

The great thing about Kenny is he gets it. By it, I mean the absurdity, stupidity, and ridiculousness of everything that encompasses the Real World Challenges and reality tv in general. He knows what he does really means very little. He also figured out how to milk at least 5 years of a career out of doing a reality game show, essentially. He’s in his late twenties and has made nearly $1 million by having fun on television. The way he’s playing it, he might not have to do another real day of work for the rest of his life. And we should admire that, in a way. For Kenny is the American Dream….gonorrhea and all.