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The "Epic" Episode

We were teased with it even before the show premiered. There were news reports about it. And two weeks ago, the stage was officially set for it. So finally, the "Epic' episode appeared this past Wednesday.

This was the episode where Ryan called the cops on his roommate, Preston, because Preston peed on Ryan's toothbrush. Preston was nearly hauled down to the station over this (which, as Knight explained, he might not have minded going to prison) and Ryan got his final revenge. Except he didn't. More on that in a bit.

What goes on inside a person's head where they resort to doing something so ridiculous and reactionary as calling the police because someone played a prank on you? Well, after a handful of episodes, it is clear no one knows what is going on inside Ryan's brain, and maybe that's a good thing. I don't think we've ever come this close to a cast member murdering his roommates. And would anyone truly be surprised if he did?

A lot of people hate Ryan, with good reason. He is the ultimate bad guy. The things he does fly in the face of social norms and conduct. But it's for that exact reason why he is such a compelling character and why we are so lucky for him to have come into our lives. If Ryan wasn't so insane, then we don't have him beefing with Preston, and we don't have cops coming to the Real World house. This is win-win for us as the viewer. The only people negatively affected by Ryan's behavior are his roommates and "Suze" (when she sees this show, how is she going to explain to her friends and family how she could hook up with "Sweeney Todd" lite?).

The funny thing is I can kind of talk myself into justifying what Ryan did as much as I can explain why it made no sense. First off, Ryan isn't a fighter. He clearly has never been in a fight and is afraid to get punched. Second, he knows that if he fights, he leaves. And then Preston wins. Now, Ryan has only two options. Retaliate against Preston by destroying something he owns or peeing on Preston's toothbrush or figure out a way to get Preston to apologize and rectify the situation. He decides to do both, which is important to note. I'll explain why in a bit. After ruining Preston's beanie, he calls the cops. This is certainly an insane thing to do to someone you live with, but he legitimately could have thought he had no other option. After all, peeing on someone else's toothbrush is seriously fucked up.

Here's the amazing part of Ryan's plan: It actually completely worked. The cops came and put the fear into Preston. Preston eventually apologized to Ryan, which is what he ultimately wanted. Additionally, it was never found out that Ryan wiped his ass with Preston's cigarettes (arguably as bad as peeing on a toothbrush) destroyed his hat, or through out his debit card (that actually could have lead to far worse legal problems for Ryan). So win-win for Ryan.

The main negative to calling the cops is it makes you look like a huge douchebag to the other roommates. But honestly, I don't think Ryan cares. He firmly believes he was completely right. This is where the sociopath thing comes into play. Only a sociopath would not understand that wiping your ass with someone else's cigarettes is about as bad as them peeing on your toothbrush. Sahar saw this and tried calling him out on it. But Ryan just didn't get it. It didn't even enter his mind that the cops could be called on him if it ever got relayed to Preston what he did. In Ryan's world, his actions have no consequences and are completely justified, but others actions are incomprehensibly bad.

One last point to make. The following day after the cops came, Ryan hugs Preston and they eventually squash their beef. Later on, Preston can't find his debit card. Ryan admits to Knight that he threw it away, and was proud to do it. This was after Preston apologized. Ryan is seriously fucked up in the head. I think MTV needs to do this more. Every season, try to find one potential cast member who has a couple of screws loose. Make sure he won't actually kill anybody, but aside from that, it's ok. He/she will undoubtedly make the season more interesting.

So now that the "Epic" episode has come and gone, how does it compare to other big episodes in the history of the show. Well, I don't think any other season had as much build up to a confrontation as this season. From episode 1, it was clear this was a long time coming. Other seasons the big confrontation was kind of impulsive. For example, remember Real World Denver when Davis shouted the n-word towards Tyree. Right now I think that's the best comparison. The only problem was the Denver episode only had about 2 scenes devoted to the big blowup. This blowup was a good 3/4 of the episode. Also, you could make the case that the episode a few weeks back where Ryan called Preston a f@$$tt was almost as bad as the Denver episode. I know there are other good examples, so if anyone wants, please comment with the season you think had a better "epic" episode.

Perhaps the best part of the episode was the preview for the rest of the season. We find out that:

1. Knight and McKenzie may hook up, and Jemmye will definitely hit Knight multiple times. Man, if McKenzie does that, she has to go down as one of the most hated female cast members ever, right? I also predict Knight manages to get a pass on this somehow while Jemmye and MTV viewers direct all their anger at McKenzie.

2. Sahar and Ryan may hook up, which may be the reason Eric tried to kill Ryan. I don't understand how this can happen. I mean, Sahar lives with Ryan, right? She knows how creepy and weird he is. He also may be gay. If she hooks up with him, this will make every normal guy who is into a hot girl that is dating a complete douchebag (whether it be the goth douche, the lead singer douche, the motorcycle douche, the emo douche, or the uber-alpha male frat douce) just go "ugh."

If they hook up, it also represents the breaking of the guy code. The guy code states that if your friend/roommate likes a girl and it is known to you, she becomes off-limits. The only exceptions are if you talk to the guy first and he gives the ok or the guy starts getting with someone else. It also would be odd if Sahar was telling Eric no because of the boyfriend but then said yes to Ryan. After all, she has explicitly said she was attracted to Eric.

I apologize for the scattering of thoughts in this post, but that's just what happens when so much goes on in what is most certainly an "Epic" episode.

"Profiles in Courage" will be delayed while I collect my brains

Ok, so I planned on another "Profile in Courage," which I know you all love more than rainbows. But after last night's episode, I have to put the column on hold. Hopefully tomorrow I should have a column up tomorrow and a "Profile in Courage" a couple days after that. Sorry for the delay, but I hope it will be worth the wait.

Power Rankings: Back To New Orleans Week 5

So the plan was to have this post up last night. Then my cat walked on my laptop and somehow managed to turn the computer off. When I went to restart it, it wouldn't boot. Only the following morning did I realize the battery died because I plugged in the wrong adapter. My bad everyone.

I think we're on week 5. Oh well. This past week saw Jemmy get the cold shoulder from her basketball playing ex-boyfriend and a temporary cessation in hostilities in the Gay/Gay? war of 2010...for now! And apparently other people were in the house too. On to the Power Rankings!!

1. Ryan- Here's what I love about Ryan. He makes amends with Preston for the second time this season and 5 minutes later blatantly admits he faked his truce. He still hates Preston and it is most definitely still on. Other than that, a bit of a down episode for Ryan. Not enough to knock him off the pedestal.

2. Jemmye- Jemmye really shined this episode. She clearly wants a relationship with Knight, or she is just ridiculously picky about the white guys she has sex with. But then she gets mixed signals and goes to see her kinda boyfriend, a 6' 6 basketball player. If I'm Knight, I'm legitimately afraid that I won't measure up to her ex. Maybe that's why he was trying to get with other girls, kind of like a preventive strike. So Jemmye goes to her ex's game, and is surprised to find 20 of his relatives also there, and none too happy about seeing her. Now, the socially conscious person inside of me thinks they might not like the fact that the ex never told them about a secret white girlfriend. But the cynical side says they didn't appreciate a groupie trying to get with their basketball playing son. Jemmye, next time don't dress like a Vegas cocktail waitress. At the end of the show, it is revealed Jemmye was physically abused in a past relationship (Johnny from Key West?) Knight gets upset and shows that he truly wants to be with Jemmye, thus eliminating all chance for Jemmye to do Jemmye and hook up with the New Orleans Saints offensive line.

3- McKenzie- McKenzie is on a tear, moving all the way up to her highest ranking of the season. She once again gets black out drunk off of a thimble of beer and wanders off with a real sketchy looking dude. (On lesson we can learn from this is guys can be real creepy bastards. Thank God the cameras are there because McKenzie should have been roofied or something. It's funny how in any other circumstance this would be a very very dangerous situation. Black-out drunk pretty girl and sketchy looking meth head guys feeding her shots. But throw in the cameras and now it is great tv because we know nothing truly bad will happen.

* Side note: The award for luckiest guy in New Orleans goes to the out of town surfer guy who kinda hooked up with McKenzie. He also had a history of blacking out and wasn't drinking because of it. This at the exact time McKenzie decides that her blacking out is a problem and she shouldn't drink that night. Any other night and he probably doesn't get with her because she is doing shots with the guys with three teeth. Thus, she is attracted to him because they share a unique problem. Good for that guy. I have a cynical theory that he overheard her talking about her black out problem and he made up the story. Either way, nice one.

4- Knight- First off, let me just say Knight has gone from a dud in the first episode to one of the best characters on the show. He's sneaky funny, seems like a good guy who does the right thing ultimately, and definitely is down for a good time. He is perfect for the Challenge. Bill Simmons and the czar or Reality TV, Dave Jacoby, called him a poor man's Landon. I get the comparison, but I think he is a bit more dickish than Landon. He might wind up being like Vinny, also a nice guy who can do well athletically in the Challenges, but with a larger propensity to hook up with sleazy girls.

The reason why Knight is fourth this week is he is developing a relationship with Jemmye. This is a disaster for sooooooooo many reasons. First off, you are a single guy on the Real World in New Orleans. You literally should be getting with a different girl every night. Yet you decide to only hook up with one girl, who happens to be your roommate. She clearly has some major deep rooted issues, but you ignore this. Second, you are deciding to date a girl who is very, um, let's say promiscuous. This is not the type of girl you marry, so why screw yourself over by committing to her when you should be extremely single. Third, and this is iffy, you potentially screw yourself out of being an interesting cast member. Generally speaking, the roommates who start dating wind up going out much less and isolating themselves from the rest of the house. The show runners decide to focus too much time on their relationship, which gets old after the second episode. Think Ronnie and Sammie from Jersey Shore.

The only possible way this works out for Knight is if the relationship blows up in an incredibly entertaining way (entirely possible with Jemmye) or if he has a threesome (entirely possible with Jemmye).

5-Preston- He really didn't do much this week except make another amends with Ryan. Hey, not everyone can be on every week. Preston has been great this entire season so he is due for an off show. However, next week's episode will clearly jump him up significantly in the rankings.

6- Eric/Sahar- I'm convinced the two of them went on a vacation this week. I don't think they even had any face time in the show. I'm starting to think they are not even good role players anymore. Previously I had said they were perfect role players because they can enliven situations involving other roommates, but now they aren't even doing that. They will either need to hook up or get into a big brawl at a bar. They basically need to be Robert Horry*

* For those who didn't get the reference, Robert Horry was a professional basketball player known for hitting big shots when the game was on the line. Aside from these moments, he didn't really do much in the game. Eric/Sahar can only aspire to be Robert Horry now because they aren't consistently good every week. The only way they can redeem themselves on this season is to do one crazy and outrageous thing so we forget about how mediocre they are during the rest of the season.

8- Ashlee- Truth be told I thought her name was Allison when I started writing. She is that boring. Sometimes I wonder why certain people come on this show. Ironically, Ashlee might be the only one on this show for pure reasons. When the show first started, it was about young people opening themselves up to new views and situations. It was truly about self-discovery and trying something new. Now it's all about becoming famous and getting to live in an awesome house in an awesome city and hook up with not-so-awesome people. By coming on the show for the good reasons, Ashlee has now made herself boring and a non factor. She probably doesn't care that she won't be viewed as interesting. But the people watching sure do.

I keep saying this season has the potential to be one of the best ever. But the thing that could hold the show back is the performance of Eric, Sahar, and Ashlee. It's ok to have one boring person, even two so long as they at least have some good moments. But this season has three duds. I don't think the rest of the cast can sustain my interest the entire season. Someone from these three needs to step up, bottom line. Tonight's episode can very well be the breaking point for the season. Will it go down as the best ever? Or will it be like so many other shattered dreams...of seasons. Seasons can have dreams.

Clash of the Titans? Maybe more like Beatles vs. Wham!

Part of what I attempt to do here is identify trends in the Real World so as to find out what makes a good season and what makes a waste of my time. I assume that is the same thing the producers and casting directors try to do. But with a wealth of knowledge at their disposal, why are they so hit or miss? I think they hit it out of the park with this season, but they have bombed recently with Brooklyn, DC, Hollywood, and Cancun, in my opinion. Before that, the producers were on a hot streak with Key West, Philadelphia, and Denver. Now, I don't know if these producers and casting directors stay around for extended periods of time, but let's assume for the sake of argument that some of them have been around from San Diego up until now.

What this disparity shows is that there really is only so much in their control. Aside from location, getting cooperation from the city, and picking people who are attractive, it really is all up to the cast members to make the season. Casting directors can get a good general idea of what kind of person someone is, but you have to remember, these people are auditioning. They are going to show you the best parts of their personality and hide the boring/annoying aspects. Seriously, how else could you explain some of these people getting on the show (Erica anyone?).

I figured that the best way to decipher all the nuances of a good season is to do a comparison of two seasons that were the most different in terms of enjoyment. Again, these are my personal choices were best and worst. But still, I'm betting there are some glaring differences between the seasons that can show what the formula should be for drunken shenanigans and tomfoolery.

My favorite season was San Diego and my least favorite has to be DC. Let's start there. Now, incidentally, this works out because there were a lot of similarities between the two seasons. If you rewatch all the old seasons, you notice that there are a lot of similarities between all the seasons. And i'm not even including the similarities in types of VD on the shows ( I think the same hot tub company is used and this hot tub company can kill all STD's except gonorrhea). All the people who go on the Real World share at least these basic characteristics. They are all exhibitionists, have IQ's no greater than 115, are in their early 20's, and bored with their lives. Throw in alcohol and there will generally be some common issues and activities in every house.

Let's first look at the similarities between the seasons. I think one of the most glaring differences is actually how the two casts handled the similarities (ok that was confusing. A lucid writer I am not):

The Big Moment: Every time MTV previews the new season, they make sure to highlight the one moment of the show that is supposed to get everyone talking the next day; the Big Moment. Most of the time the actual moment is way overblown and a big letdown. Sometimes there really isn't any big moment at all.

The Big Moment in San Diego was actually a few moments, specifically three arrests. That is the stuff legends are made of. These actual arrests were complimented terrifically by the other house mates choosing not to overreact to it and treat the situations humorously. They organized "Free Bad" protests and marched on San Diego (ok they didn't, but they should have. It would've been the icing on the cake).

The Big Moment in DC was Ty pushing Andrew over a small balcony. Now, this was a big deal. Andrew almost got really hurt. But here's the problem. The only likeable person on that cast was Andrew, and he didn't want to make anything out of the incident. However, all his whiny, annoying roommates did. The whole meeting after seemed over the top and boring. What should have been a big moment on the show just left me feeling angrier at the cast rather than entertained and involved in the actual incident. Yes, Ty shoving Andrew over the ledge was a very bad thing to do. But the context surrounding it suggests it was drunken antics taken too far rather than a malicious act by Ty.

The Roommate who Leaves Now, unless the roommate gets kicked out, the roommate who leaves is never a sympathetic character. They are almost always whiny and just a drag on the season. But the good thing about the San Diego season was that the rest of the cast got along and had a great time despite her. In addition, the rest of the cast was very likeable. So we were able to pick sides on who to support. Frankie, the Hot Topic girl, or the rest of the cast, who drank, hooked up, and got arrested. Easy choice.

For DC, the cast mate who left was Erika, the worst cast member ever. She complained constantly, was lazy about pursuing her singing, rubbed everyone else the wrong way, had a boyfriend back home, and constantly drew attention to herself in a negative way. This was much like Frankie. But the main difference is that the rest of the cast was just as boring and irritating. When Erika left, I wondered why she couldn't take half the cast with her.

Those were the two main similarities between the show, but they left completely different tastes in my mouth because of the casts. This is the underlining X-factor. The cast. It seems so obvious, yet it is actually masked by all the fluff surrounding it. When I say fluff, I mean the manufactured dramas. And this is where we begin delving into the differences.

One of the major differences was the cast-assigned job. For San Diego, they had to work on a boat. They all hated that job, and were able to bond over it. It's the same thing that happened during the 1980 Winter Olympics with the US hockey team. The players united over their hatred of their coach. It brought them together and they wound up winning the goal. San Diego cast bonded over their hatred of the boat job and Frankie, and they had an awesome season, winning the coveted Most Arrests and Vomiting in One Season medal.

In DC, they all pursued their own things. There was no common bond present, and many of them only got their jobs because of being on the show. The viewer tends to dislike it when people get hooked up without earning it. Many are desperate to get that internship with a sports team, or get to co-host a tv show. These guys luck into it, and then half ass the job. Maybe we can't pinpoint a specific thing and say "do this and the season will be good." But we can point to this "follow your individual dream" plot line and say this doesn't work. It had a lot to do with Hollywood being a crappy season and it also played a big part in making DC suck. Get rid of it, I say.

The Rotten Apple. This is very tough. There always is a chance there is one cast member who immediately wants to go home or just completely rubs the rest of the cast the wrong way. Ideally, you want the latter. Someone who is brash, obnoxious, wild, and an asshole. Think Puck or Ryan from this season. We still remember Puck even today, even though many people despised him both in the house and on tv. But they are interesting week in and week out. Then there is the homesick, boyfriend at home types. Now, this is very important. It is ok to have one of those people. It could actually be a good thing since it united the rest of the cast and also provides for season long drama. But what happens when you have 3 or 4 characters you hate. Well, then you have DC. Erika was despicably annoying. But Ty was a psychopath who constantly bordered on hitting a girl. Unfortunately, that girl was Emily. She also just got on my nerves. Let's then add Josh, a sleazebag who cheated on his girlfriend, then dumped her in one of the coldest ways possible. And he can't sing for shit. That's half the cast. Sure, Andrew was awesome, but the rest were just there. Nothing bad, but nothing good either.

Compare that to San Diego. Frankie was the unlikeable one, but at the same time, she was seriously sick. I actually sympathized with her through a lot of the show (Unfortunately, Frankie passed away a few years later from her disease). The rest of the cast was great, though. Brad was a meat head with a heart of gold who got drunk, got arrested, and hooked up, all while keeping a smile on his face. Cameron was straight up hot, and also up for a good time. She would go on to place 1st in the Greatest Female Real Worlder rankings. Robin got arrested, hooked up with another cast member, and was a blast. She would place in the top 10 and go on to a successful career on the Challenge. Randy was a DJ who was just a good guy without a lot of drama. Jacquese was the funniest guy on the show. And Jamie was the moral compass of the show.

So what have we learned from all this? Probably nothing we didn't already know. The bottom line is a good cast with a lot of chemistry makes for a great season. And a bad cast with no chemistry does not. Duh. But there clearly are some lessons to be learned. One sourpuss is ok, more is disaster. Also, warm scenic locations seem to be more conducive to a good time than colder, more populated cities. The cast job should be one everyone participates in, and there should not be these "follow your own path" jobs. Finally, there has to be Big Moments, but the key factor is how the cast reacts to these moments.

I see a whole lot of the San Diego season in this current incarnation of the Real World. That's why I'm so pumped for every episode. This can be one of the great ones, as there definitely seems to be some chemistry here. Add a Puck 2.0 character in Ryan and we are in for some great television. I want to talk more about San Diego later on, but for now, this will have to do. So let me know what your favorite season was, and if it holds up to my litmus test. The great thing about the Real World is that it can appeal to different people, but it is the common elements that make it appeal to us all.

Quick Update

I normally don't know what I'm going to write about until I sit down and start typing. But I have a good idea how I'm going to do things for this week, at least. Tonight, by midnight, I am going to have a new blog up. The topic is going to be the San Diego season vs. DC season and why one was so great and the other not so much. Tomorrow will be another power ranking for Back to New Orleans. Wednesday is an off day, and then Thursday will be another "Profile in Courage."

I also just figured out how to allow comments from anonymous rather than google-subscribed only accounts. This way, you can now post and not have to worry about others knowing that who you are. Again, please comment!! It is important both to let me know what you think about the blog, provide thoughts on what you want covered, and also just so I know you are out there. See you all tonight.

New Posts Coming

Just wanted to let everyone know I plan on unleashing a series of posts this coming week. So please stay tuned.