Fresh Meat 2 Episode 8 Recap

Sometimes, I sit down to watch an episode of The Real World of The Challenge not knowing if I have an angle to approach the episode about. Quite frankly, any good ideas I have I usually don’t use for an episode recap. But that’s ok because sometimes just watching the show is enough to generate enough pithy comments. Kind of the beauty of the show in that it writes itself…hopefully. So I present you with the first installment of “Things that popped into my head during the Real World/The Challenge.”

-Why does Ryan (Fresh Meat) even do these challenges? He has no chance of winning unless it is one of those contests where each team has 6 players by the final challenge. He isn’t strong, not very quick, and nowhere near as agile as other “small guys”. What does he bring to these shows? Here’s my theory:

Ryan was a Fresh Meat player, meaning he was never on a Real World or Road Rules season. This also includes Evan Kenny and Evelyn. Ryan was a fan of the show, and the chance to be a part of the culture is all he really ever wanted. So despite knowing he has no chance of winning, he keeps going on these challenges. The bigger question is; why does MTV keep inviting a player who really doesn’t bring anything to the table? Maybe it’s part of the more popular players’ contracts that he be on the show so they have an easy target to vote off.

-It seems clear at this point Ev and Luke are going into exile until they get beaten or make the final three. Methinks a mini alliance will be formed. Since everyone seems to be fine with Kenny calling the shots, his team is obviously one of the final three. That leaves Jenn & Noor, Pete & Jillian, and Ryan & Theresa. At leat one of those three teams is getting left out. Of those teams, Ryan & Theresa were the last to officially join the alliance. Add in that they are the weakest team and it’s clear who is getting left out. Here’s how I think it’s going to play out:

Ev & Luke go against Landon & Carley. Let’s assume Ev & Luke. That team probably won’t win an immunity challenge so they are going right back into exile. Ryan & Theresa aren’t winning a challenge either, which means they will get thrown in as well. Ev & Luke will win that exile.

Unless Ev & Luke win the challenge, which they won’t, they go in yet again. Kenny has no reason to make a deal with Ev so I doubt she would get saved in a vote. I believe Kenny will send in Jenn and Noor since they weren’t as loyal as Pete & Jill, who have also gone to exile before. I’ll take a chance and say Ev & Luke pull off another shocker and survive three consecutive exiles. I just can’t see there being no wild card in the final three. And it isn’t that far fetched. Ev a& Luke are better than Ryan & Theresa and evenly matched with Noor & Jenn since Ev is superior to Jenn.

So that’s my final three. Kenny and Laurel are far and away the best and they should easily take this one.

-Quote from Landon “My biggest weakness on these challenges is my inability to be deceptive.” That’s like a hockey player saying their biggest weakness is they can’t skate. Being deceptive is almost as important for Challenge members as not having a real job.

-I have to say this season there has been some great strategic moments. Kenny has been a wizard. Who knew this person who is an imbicil in almost every other aspect of life would stumble upon the one situation where he is actually the “smart guy.” Kenny, that’s who.

-Evelyn is a bitch, no other way around it. Pure evil as far as Challenges go. And when she tries to act nice but it is clear she is only trying to save herself, I hate her even more. While her being a great female competitor is good for these male female teams, having her and Luke together really is a bad fit. Luke is a stoner, Ev a psycho butch uber-competitor. Not a shock that she is treating him like a child. You don’t yell at the stoner kid, you just don’t. How can anyone be mad at him? He’s adorable. You smoke your weed and do your snowboard thing, Luke. You’re just great.

-Quote from Lauren: “I don't mind being strung up by my ankles” ….Sure it’s slightly out of context, but you still gotta love it.

-The prize for this challenge is actually decent, a trip. Stealing from Bill Simmons once again, have people noticed how bad the prizes have gotten in the last few seasons. They went from trips to Europe to cd players, literally. So it’s nice to see a good reward. Although I have to laugh at TJ Lavin highlighting business class seats and free in flight cocktails. Not to sound like and old timer, but in my day, they got first class seats, free drinks, and two pillows! Stupid kids and their stupid Lady Gagas.

-Noor is probably my favorite cast member, good combination of goofiness, humbleness, and he's actually a good competitor. He’s actually a lot like Derrick. You wouldn’t think much of them based on their size, but they are definitely good competitors. We can only hope he has Derrick’s penchant for alcohol abuse.

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-Man I hate Ev. Luke's the man, clearly he's stoned. Now Ev says Luke screws up every challenge. You don’t yell or make fun of the mentally disabled, just not cool.

-So disappointed TJ Lavin isn't saying "killin it." What happened to him? Hh wait, his biking career is over and he has to spend months on a time with d list celebrities. When you go back and watch old seasons, it is night and day the level of enthusiasm he displays. It’s akin to Ken Griffey Jr rookie year when he was full of promise, potential, and joy for the game versus 40 year old Griffey who now sleeps in the clubhouse during games. Lavin needs to start killing it again.

-Ev and Landon are having a conversation and Landon is wearing nothing but skin tight boxer-briefs. I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that his entire package is blatantly exposed in front of a girl (well, she is a lesbian) or the massive gut Landon has. Someone should remind him that when you take steroids, you still need to work out your muscle groups.

-Wow, Ev is really psyching herself up! Heavy breathing, ten foot sprints, awesomeness! In case anyone was wondering what happens if a female takes steroids, exhibit A.

-So Landon and Carley are in the exile against Ev and Luke, and Carley hits a wall. She starts smiling and laughing but is completely out of it. This is weird. She is not acting right. Of course, Landon is just urging her to continue. Because it is really normal to be laughing and spacing out during a grueling physical activity and sporadically collapsing to the floor. This is just like in Rocky IV when Rocky should have thrown in the towel as Drago was pounding Apollo. Come on Landon, throw in the towel!! She’s not gonna make it! C’mon Rock!

- Ev makes an executive decision and bypasses the puzzle, which would have saved her team 5 minutes. Will this bite her in the ass? Looks like we have to wait until next week to find out. I can’t wait and I hope you can’t either. See you next week.

Irony...

On the RW/RR Challenge: The Gauntlet 3, Tyrie had to leave suddenly due to a family emergency. The next day, the immortal TJ Lavin announced the Rookies would be getting a replacement player. Jogging in from the distance, sand from the beach kicking in the air behind him, strode MJ from RW: Philadelphia. The Rookies were ecstatic, the Veterans hearts sank. This could have been a game changer. Unfortunately, all I could think about was how MJ must have literally had nothing else going on in his life at the time.

The ironic thing about the Real World is that the people who go on the show are actually leaving the real world to be a part of this franchise. Most of the time, they are students who seem to be more than willing to either put off finishing school for a semester or just abandon it completely for their 15 minutes of fame. In the beginning stages of the show, when you went on the Real World, you were just putting your life on hold for the unique experience, then would continue on. But the nature of reality tv has certainly changed that. Now, most of the cast mates are in it for the long haul, dreaming of a career in acting, modelling, or music. Or, if they are smart, a career doing Challenges. Oh, can they dream big!

Has anyone noticed that in the last few seasons, they all seem to be going on the Real World for the purpose of pursuing their careers in entertainment and aren't even hiding the fact? Every new house comes with the requisite confession, hot tub (no word yet if it comes already infested with sexually transmitted diseases or if the house mates have to add them), and now... a music studio.

It's always a laugh to read a "where are they now" on occasion from former cast members and see how Parisa from RW:Sydney is releasing a new album this summer. Apparently you can make a living as a ex Real Worlder whose albums nobody buys or even knows exists. Who knew?!

Of course, the sad reality is these people go on the Real World now to jump start a career in entertainment, but in the end it is actually a tremendous hindrance to them. Does no one care that so far it seems the ceiling for a Real Worlder is Tek (Tek, from RW Hawaii, has appeared in Van Wilder and one episode of Friends, which makes him the most successful Real Worlder, by far) It is depressing for them, mildly amusing for us, when they realize this after the fact and have to resort to appearances at malls and dive bars in various small towns across the country. Sure, they could have done their season, went back to school, and gotten a regular job with a stable paycheck and health insurance. But they are living the dream!

But the Challenge is clearly what is keeping them "in the game." Twice every year, the lucky few Real Worlders who made enough of an impression on us get a few thousand dollars to basically have a vacation for a month and maybe win some money. So long as they keep doing these things, these people will never give up their dreams of stardom. Or maybe they are just trying to pay for another boob job or steroid cycle. I hear that's expensive.

Which brings me back to the story of MJ and the Gauntlet 3. He said in his first "talking head" that he had a newborn baby and he needed to make some money for the family. Let me repeat that. HE HAD A NEWBORN BABY AND HE LEFT IT TO GO COMPETE IN A GAME SHOW. Of the many issues I have with that, two come to mind right away.

1. He had a baby who was just born and a wife who was still recovering from the pregnancy and now has to deal with a crying, hungry, pooping baby and he decided it was a good time to go to Mexico and hang out with Johnny "Bananas" and Evan "Steroids." (By the way, what's the over/under on when we can change Johnny's nickname to Johnny "Domestic Violence"?) Now, I luckily haven't had to deal with a newborn, but I can imagine it is pretty tough taking care of it in the first few months of its life. How did he possibly get permission from his wife to do this? Well, they are from Tennessee. Just sayin'.

2. So MJ is sitting at home and he gets a call to go on this reality show and he has nothing else going on work-wise? I can just imagine how this conversation went:

MTV Producer: Hey MJ, it's (MTV Producer). I'm sure you're busy and we know this is probably impossible, but we had a contestant drop out of the Challenge and was wondering if you were available. I know it is probably not likely since...

MJ: I'm in.

MTV Producer: Really? Didn't you just have a kid?

MJ: Yeah, no matter. He'll be fine.

MTV Producer: Do you have to tell your job you won't be coming in for a month?

MJ: Job?

MTV Producer: Oh, never mind. Great! We'll see you tomorrow in Mexico. You're ok with paying for your own airfare right?

MJ: You kidding?! Anything to be in the same cast as Evan, Coral, and Beth!

MTV Producer: Perfect! Oh, one thing though. Are you currently taking any performance enhancing drugs, you know, steroids?

MJ: To be honest, yes I have.

MTV Producer: Awesome! See you soon.

At some point, these guys will stop getting invited to Challenges, out of old age or a desire for some new blood in the series. But unlike professional athletes who retire at a young age, these people don't have plum jobs lined up. At some point, there is an end game for these lifers, yet it seems they don't see it. I mean, what's more pathetic than watching a 35 year old try to relive the glory days of hooking up in hot tubs and trying to do oversized puzzles? Ok, don't answer that. I may be writing about the Real World, but you are still reading it.

The Real World cast members of the beginning wanted a new experience, something they would always remember, something that would always be a part of their life. But they did not want the show to be their life. But the new generation decided to make the show ALL of their life. For better or worse, this is what they will be known for. For some, like Kenny, that is truly their goal in life and all the better. Good for him. But I wonder how many wound up returning to these shows with the nagging feeling that this is the best they will ever do and it's too late for a fresh start.

RR/RW Challenge: Fresh Meat 2

Blogger's Note: I won't be giving actual recaps of each episode after every episode. I will provide a brief summary throughout my post just to provide background context. Also, I plan on going into the format of the blog in a later post, but I should have a post-episode blog every Wednesday or Thursday.

There is an old adage which everyone knows that goes "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Of course, there is another adage coined by Michael Scott that goes "Fool me once, strike one. Fool me twice, strike three." Both are lessons that your average Real Worlder never bother to heed.

A little back story: In this season, there are two main alliances; the Wes/Evelyn Alliance and the Kenny alliance. Every other episode, especially last nights, consists of a member of the Wes/Ev alliance getting thrown in, completely surprising them. We all know that these aren't rocket scientists we are dealing with, after all they are all RR/RW alumns. But surely they must have seen and/or participated in enough of these things to know that they shouldn't trust Wes and Evelyn. Yet time and time again, the same thing happens.

In the context of these challenges, Wes and Evelyn are head and shoulders the most manipulative and underhanded players. They are also cowards who would never step up to go into an Exile or Duel or Inferno or Gauntlet or Orgy or Newsie riot or Jello wrestling pit with two fat chicks. Simply put, they are not smart, not brave, and most of all, not true leaders. So why do people keep following them? They aren't even consistent winners! Last night's episode validated my opinions on them completely:

Kenny's alliance, which included Pete ( a brand new Fresh Meat cast member) and Jillian (RW: Extreme who also put in a heroic performance in Gauntlet 3) found themselves in the driver's seat by winning the challenge. It seemed fairly clear that the smart play was to put one of the two into exile and then garner enough votes to send the other in against them. However, knowing that they were likely headed in, Wes and Evelyn corner Kenny and make a temporary alliance to throw in CJ and Landon's teams. Now, both teams are strong teams comprised of "good guys" who go along with the flow but generally do the right thing. But they made a clear tactical mistake by allying themselves with a couple of rats. Kenny's alliance wasn't too pleased, but here is the kicker; He convinces them that this was a great move because it now takes two teams off of Wes' alliance (CJ's team because they lost, and Landon's team because he was betrayed by Wes/Evelyn). This was a good play, don't get me wrong. The funny part is there is no way in hell Kenny understood the positive ramifications from this move until way after.

Here's what you need to know about Kenny, and every other cast member. They are all morons, but they don't think it. At some point during a given season, all of the so called "players" in the game will make the following statements about the people supposedly running the game

1. Player X is a moron- this is uttered many times an episode and is used to call out someone who made a bad move. Of course that is the blackest pot calling the kettle black. Everyone on this show at multiple points has done something stupid, so let's all calm down. You are all stupid, none of you play the game well, and you should all just be thankful you get paid to not have a real job or life.

2. I can't believe these morons are running the game- It's comments like this that make me just shake my head. Most of the time it is Evelyn saying that. It's supposed to make us believe the crazy ones are running the asylum, when in fact they are just playing the game better than you. They are surely morons, but maybe within the confines of this game, they are the better morons, the Corey Feldman to your Corey Haim.

I will say this is one of the better seasons from a strategic standpoint. There are alliances, double crossings, and actual smart plays. Kenny coming out of nowhere with an ingenious move to destroy the Wes/Ev alliance! What great politics! Karl Rove and Rahm Emmanuel ain't got nuttin' on Kenny Santucci from New Jersey! (The sad thing is I'm willing to bet more 18 year olds know Kenny than Karl Rove or Rahm Emmanuel. Who am I kidding? I'm writing a blog about him!)

It makes you scratch your head how these veterans don't seem to understand how to play the game. So in the event that some future Challenge members stumble upon this literary masterpiece, I have taken it upon myself to educate them as to how this game should be played.

The game is all about alliances, everyone knows. The problem most people have in these shows is they are so willing to be a part of an alliance that whoever asks them first gets them. If someone you know is untrustworthy asks you to be in an alliance, assume at some point they will try to screw you. Sometimes, you have no shot from the get go. If you are a crap competitor, you will get thrown into the elimination challenge because no one is afraid of going against you. So the first rule to winning these challenges is:

1. Be strong enough to win an elimination challenge. At the very least people won't want to throw you in because you very well could come back and throw them in. Or depending on the game format, you could choose them to go in against you. However, this is not enough alone. Just because you are strong does not mean you'll never get thrown in. You also must follow rule number 2.

2. Play the game with some level of morality and project a "good guy" persona that people respect. There are quite a few players who combined these first two rules and rarely got thrown into the elimination challenge. Derek from RR: X-Treme is a good example. Although, am I the only one that is pissed off they called that season "X-Treme?" They couldn't just add an "e" at the beginning?

Derek is respected as a strong competitor who plays the game right. Translation, no one wants to throw him in or go against him, yet because he is trustworthy, they don't think he'll screw them over. He has won 3 of 8 challenges. Not too bad. Darrell from RR: Campus Crawl has won 4 out of 6, and he is another trustworthy, strong competitor. But sometimes being a strong competitor is not enough. You need to play the game by joining an alliance. But what do you do once you join? Well, I'll tell you, just chill out, ok? Rule number 3 coming up!

3. Form an alliance within the alliance. This never happens, and I don't see why. The most conniving, yet dominant cast members in recent years are Kenny, Johnny Bananas (RW: Key West, and really a disgusting misogynistic human being, but more on that another time. For now, he is Bananas!), Evan "Steroids" from Fresh Meat, Wes, and Evelyn.

For some reason, everyone accepts that these people will be the leaders and call the shots. Sometimes they fight against each others and form competing alliance. So fine, let's also accept that they will try to run the show. But let's also assume there is a player who is strong enough to win an elimination, but also trustworthy and relatively smart. This player must join an alliance, and should try to join the stronger alliance if more than one exists. Don't ask to join the alliance, but make it known you are interested. The worst thing you can do is choose not to join any alliance, and thus you are all on your own. You might survive one or two eliminations, but eventually you'll get taken down.

Here's where you run the game. Generally, the alliance will have a few members or teams that are not so strong but aren't douche bags (relatively speaking). They won't like being controlled by the bigger douches, but would rather that then not be in the alliance. Eventually they know deep down they will get screwed over since only a certain amount of members make it to the final challenge. (If you ever find yourself in an alliance with some combination of Kenny, Johnny, Wes, Evan, Evelyn, or anyone else who are good friend with each other, you aren't making it to the end) So what you do is you form an alliance within the alliance with the members of the alliance that are not in the inner circle.

On the Island, which was possibly the best season strategically, there was a large alliance headed by Kenny and Johnny. There were only four spots for the boat to get off the island and win the prize. Paula was a part of the alliance and thought she was golden. At the last minute, Kenny and Johnny cut a deal with Evelyn to save Johnny and put Evelyn in the boat assured of winning. Paula was used to vote out other people until it was time to get rid of her. She screwed up by trusting untrustworthy people.

So what should someone do? They should form an alliance with marginal members of the larger alliance and make sure that no one in that alliance gets voted in. Then when the head of the alliance decides to have everyone vote in a member of the alliance, the mini alliance turns on the leader, throws them in, and the head of the mini alliance now assumes control. You want to control the game, but you want to pick your moment to seize that control so that you don't paint a bullseye on your back like the previous guy did.

I think this is pretty simple, but will likely not be followed. But the blueprint is here for anyone to succeed, unless they like following Johnny Bananas. Which is fine. Just remember he probably beats women up. Probably.

Nostalgia

I'm sitting in my apartment watching a four year old episode of Real World/Road Rules (for now on known as RR/RW) Challenge: Fresh Meat and am simply stunned by the fact that this seems so long ago, yet it has only been 4 years. I started thinking why that is and came to the conclusion that since they have done so many challenges in such a short period of time, new cast members are shuffled into the mix so frequently that some of the very first cast mates are now too old. For example, Kenny is considered one of the 5 biggest mainstays of the Challenge, yet he actually debuted only 4 years ago on Fresh Meat. MTV has done a laudable job in introducing new participants and turning them into the veterans in just two seasons. This is why I have no worries about the show ending anytime soon. The cast is constantly evolving and everyone is as insane and horny as the next.

If we could all agree that the Challenge truly began as the incarnation you see now when they had one location, then between 2002 and 2010 there have been 15 challenges. That's amazing when you think about it in certain contexts. Wes from RW: Austin participated in Fresh Meat and The Duel in the same year. So we can assume he chose to blow off college for a year at least. Now he is doing Fresh Meat 2, which safely assumes the actual real world was not so kind. It's kind of sad that these people seem to be putting off, and in some cases ruining, their lives for these shows. But it's great for us, right?

(I don't want to get into the fact that most of these people are around the age where they should have real life responsibilities (job, family, school) yet can drop all of that for a month or two, whereas the rest of us...not so much. Much will be discussed about this throughout the blog.)

The funny unintended result of all these challenges is we view some of the earlier competitors in a nostalgic light, harking back to the good old times of the Challenge when it wasn't about backstabbing or steroids, just the competition. One of my favorite cast members, Alton from RW: Las Vegas, embodied the old days of pure athletic competition without all the backstabbing. It was a simpler time... Except that Alton last appeared on a Challenge only three years ago. How can we possibly call something that happened three years ago "the good old days?" And one of my other favorite cast members, Dan from RR: Northern Trail, was also billed as a good guy, yet kind of screwed over Brad from RW: San Diego. People backstabbed others even in the beginning. So there was no different eras of the Challenge, except of course, the Steroid Era, which we are still in the midst of.

Yet despite it all, I still have nostalgic feelings towards the older seasons. I can't really see them all anytime I want on MTV or online, and the casts are rejuvenated far too often for my liking. Players are elevated to superstar status after only a couple of years in the league and if you blink, you'll miss the great ones. But not Tonya. That crazy train wreck of a human being will be entertaining us for years.

This is a True Story...

I suppose I wasn't fully aware of the Real World when it first debuted in 1992. After all, I was only 8 years old and not quite ready to understand Generation X, Nirvana, and rocking the vote. My first genuine memory of the show I would one day start a blog about (this one, in case you didn't figure it out) was in 1998 with the Real World: Seattle. That season was a game changer. I can't tell you why I chose to watch that season opposed to all prior seasons, but something special was happening. The people on the show were evolving into reality stars, not just people living their lives who happened to be on tv. When Stephen slapped Irene after she called him a homosexual, Real World was forever altered. And I was forever hooked. Because as bad as domestic violence and abusing females are, you cannot deny that that was a monumental moment in television history. The show became about something other than a conversation about racism, homophobia, sexism and love amongst Generation Xers. The Real World now was about drinking, hooking up, fighting, and girls making out. 20 year olds no longer cared about social issues.

When Real World: Seattle premiered, there was a change of the guard. The very first episode of Real World: Hawaii had two cast members go skinny dipping a few minutes after meeting each other, followed later by an episode of drunk driving to the extreme. By the time we got to Real World:Las Vegas, the transformation was complete. Bisexual hook ups? Drunken fights? This was what we wanted, and what the producers geared the show to. It didn't hurt that every other house mate wanted a career in acting or music. They were performers now, not real people. The only thing real about the Real World were the daddy issues.

But the formula eventually got a bit stale. We still have a new season every year, and I still watch. But I'm usually left unfulfilled, annoyed by the characters. Whereas I used to be able to find something interesting or sympathetic about each cast member, now I am always left wondering: This was the best they could do? Every new cast is more unlikeable than the next, yet I keep watching. Why? For three reasons, mainly. First, you never know when a good moment is going to happen. MTV knows this, which is why they should all get excruciating kidney stones for being able to make an interminably boring season interesting with out of context preview clips. Second, as a long time fan, I just can't give up. The Real World keeps setting me up with high expectations and pulling the rug out with episodes about not doing the dishes. But like any long term relationship that is reaching the end, you hold on to the good memories and live in a state of denial that it is really over. Until finally, all of your stuff is on the porch and the producers have decided to add a tranny to the cast. Well, normally, that is the breaking point. But I am still in this relationship mainly for reason number 3: The Challenge.

The Challenge is the greatest advent to television since, well, ever (I will not admit that I sat here for ten minutes trying to figure out another great advent to television and couldn't come up with anything). Simply put, it is Real World meets Survivor with no drug testing. The Challenge is perfect television for so many reasons, which I will cover many times in this blog. As ESPN.com columnist and avid Real World fan Bill Simmons put it, the Challenge is "America's Fourth Sport, replacing hockey." The unintentional comedy is so prevalent, the debauchery is so racy, and the performance enhancing drugs is so Barry Bonds-esque that one wonders why Fox has not optioned this show for a summer run.

There you have it, all the reasons and more why I feel this blog is so sorely needed. For anyone who has ever wondered what happened to Dan from Road Rules Northern Trails, this will be the blog for you? To anyone who ever wondered how long C.T.'s probable stint in jail is lasting, this blog will be right up your ally? To anyone who wants a snarky recap of last night's episode complete with condescending cheap shots at people who make their living going to sports bars in Binghamton, NY and introducing STD's to third world countries, this blog is most assuredly what you need. I will try to cover it all, occasionally throwing in think pieces worthy of the New Yorker (if the New Yorker decided to lower their standards significantly).

Also, if you have any tips, questions, or thought, be sure to email me in the address provided. I will hopefully be updating my site at least after every new episode so there will be that to look forward to. I ultimately want to be able to interview some former cast members, and to do that I need a credible site that people visit. So if you like the site, let other people know as best you can and it would be much appreciated.

Thanks for reading and keep it real...mad real! The Real World: The Internet!! (God that was a sucky way to end it. I'm truly sorry.)