Week 4 Power Rankings

Right in time for tonight's episode, I bring you the Week 4 Power Rankings.

1. Ryan- Called Preston a "fu***** fa***, and no one batted an eyelash. That's how crazy he is. Then he retaliated on Preston by wiping his ass with Preston's cigarettes. Another all-star performance.

2. Jemmye- Maintains her position by throwing a drink on another girl for talking with Knight. Could it be that Ms. Venereal Disease wants to settle down? Seriously, who didn't see this coming?

3. Preston- Got into another huge argument with Ryan and peed on his toothbrush. He may be getting kicked out. Either way, for setting up this season's climactic moment, he gets the bump.

4. Knight- It's starting to look like he is going to get tied down to Jemmye. In New Orleans. This has disaster written all over it. Just don't take her on a date to a Saints game, Knight.

5. McKenzie- She got blackout drunk and almost went home with a guy who at the very least has tried heroin. Because we knew nothing really bad would happen to her on camera, we applaud her drunken idiocy and give her a big bump.

6. Sahar/Eric- They didn't do much of anything, but they still didn't do anything worthy of dropping them. From now on they are tied until one steps up.

8. Ashley- Her claim to fame this episode was getting Preston back into the bar (man that was fucked up by the way) after they kicked him out for no reason. That was cool of her, but just not interesting.

See you all after tonight's episode!

Real World Female Character Analysis (the notable ones)

Two guys are sitting at a bar enjoying a few beers. They’re mid twenties, both in relationships, both with prestigious jobs. The two guys start arguing with each other in a jovial manner, and we see they have a slew of papers in front of them. The bartender is giving them odd looks.

Now, would it be sad if they were arguing about work? No? What if it was about fantasy baseball? Maybe a little pathetic, but it is a very common thing for twenty year old guys to be involved in. Well, what if they were arguing about the greatest female characters in Real World history and had printed out spreadsheets and charts?

Welcome to my life.

A couple of weeks ago, this is exactly what was transpiring in a midtown bar in Manhattan around 7:00 PM on a Friday. My buddy Josh, another long time fan, and I were meticulously perusing our depth charts of female cast members, trying to decipher what exactly makes a great female cast member and who was the best of all time. This get together was a long time coming. We had always talked about the females on the Real World in a different way than the males. To be blunt, we talked about how hot they were. Especially in college. A lot of times, these females were actually boring characters. But we always seemed to overlook that fact when discussing if we liked the season or not. But inevitably, the discussion began to turn to more of a personality-based opinion. And, of course, if they were hot, all the better. When Real World: Brooklyn debuted, Josh and I were taken aback by the relative unattractiveness of the female. By the midway point of the season, we were completely focused on how boring they were and how much we’d hate living with them. Then came Real World: Cancun. Objectively, the girls on the show were quite attractive. But whereas in college, we would have said the season was fantastic, now the season was mediocre. As we’ve grown wiser and entered into mature relationships, we have altered our perception of what makes a great female cast member. This is especially ironic because we are attempting to maturely discuss a show geared towards teenagers.

Which brings us back to my friend Josh and I sitting at the bar, progressively getting drunker and louder. While we admit we are very sad individuals (and confirmed by the bartender), our work is important work. Only two devoted fans and self-described experts could put the effort and thought into such an endeavor. So you’re welcome, world. We debase ourselves for your benefit.

As to the actual results of our study (you all will like this)

From years of watching the show, we have concluded that a female cast member must score highly in 3 categories to be considered amongst the greatest Real Worlders of all time. Those categories are: Hotness, Personality, and Entertainment. We strongly considered weighting the categories differently, but we aren’t great at math, especially when drunk. Quite simply, we averaged the three scores to arrive at our results.

The scores came with much debate. Obviously these categories are subjective, but both of us made our cases regarding each female. Ultimately, we believe these results are about as accurate as could be expected. It must be mentioned that this list is based solely on the females’ Real World season. Challenges do not count. Also of note is that we did not include many characters. I’d like to tell you there was a reason for excluding certain people, but the truth is we forgot them in the first go around and were too lazy to include them later on. Besides, no one we omitted would have ranked either that high or that low.

So here is the rankings of the top Female Real World Cast Members (click on picture for better view):

As you can see, there aren’t many conclusions we can draw aside from who is ranked hottest, most entertaining, etc. I had hoped the rankings would show that MTV has been using lesser attractive females who have bitchy personalities and are horrible to live with, which has brought down the quality of the show (We both feel the quality of the show has gone down significantly in the last 4 seasons and thought this may have been the reason). But the results don’t necessarily reflect that. While the females have been more vocal in the houses, this has begat both interesting and annoying cast members. Additionally, the level of attractiveness now is not so different than in the mid to late 1990’s, considered by many to be the best stretch of the show.

San Diego was clearly one the best seasons, in my opinion, and the ranking reflect that. Also, in general, a cast composed of attractive to very attractive females will be a good season. In looking at the top 10, there weren’t too many surprises. Cameron was number one, spurred on by her beauty mostly. But you know what? She was a fun girl who had an interesting plotline that season. She was easy going and seemed to be fun to live with. There were some pleasant surprises too. Jenn from RW: Denver came in second. Now, before we started, I wouldn’t have thought that could happen. But look at the facts. She is very attractive. She caused a bunch of drama in the house, but in a fun way. And she seemed to be cool to live with.

Likewise, this list is not without controversy. Some of you may be wondering how Corel, Ruthie, or Tonya didn’t crack the top 10. I wondered that too. But then I remembered two important facts. First, this is solely based on their Real World season. So even though Tonya became “Must See TV” on the challenges, on her season, she was very annoying and the things that made her entertaining in the beginning got old very quick. Secondly, this rating system takes into account looks and personality. Some people do not think about how they would get along with a cast member when determining their greatness. We did, and we included looks. Ruthie was awesome as a character, but she wasn’t as attractive as others. We’re looking for the whole package here.

So there you have it. We are completely open to others opinions on this. If anyone wants to do a similar list for guys, I welcome that. I’m considering doing one but with a whole different rating structure. In addition, I might subsequently do a rating that includes the Challenges. I mean, how can we not include Kenny, Casey, Evan, and Evelyn? And congratulations Cameron for being the best Real World female cast member. I’m sure you are honored and humbled by this award and want to brag to all your friends. And to you, Irene McGee, seriously, what the hell?

When I was Younger...

When I was younger and watching the Real World, things like this just didn't happen. And if they did, they were met with shock and disgust. Yet now, even in an age where we have become far more tolerant and accepting of others, such things are simply shrugged off.

I'm referring to last night's episode of the Real World:Back to New Orleans where Ryan called homosexual Preston a "fucking fa--t." Not just once either. Multiple times. Oh, and he said this in front of all the other roommates. The shocking part which I alluded to was that all the roommates, including Preston didn't get horribly offended and immediately confront Ryan about that. They just shrugged it off. Ryan has become so insane that his comments no longer illicit the common and appropriate reaction. This after only 4 episodes. Simply stunning. He has almost gotten too outrageous to the point where we are not shocked by his antics. Are we becoming numb to Ryan? I hope not. If he has a flaw as an entertaining character, it's that he brings on too much too fast.

What has become of this show? This started out as groundbreaking television in its dealings on race and sexuality. As recently as Real World: Hollywood, forms of racism and homophobia were subtle at best. We laudably have gotten to the point where someone being gay is not a big deal. But did we cross over so much that bigoted comments are glossed over and ignored? How can a show that seeks to bring issues of race, sexual orientation, and prejudices have a cast that doesn't understand the gravity of another's comments? Maybe I'm reading into this too much. After all, the general consensus in the house is that Ryan is incredibly insecure about his own sexuality, and lashing out at Preston for being gay is simply a thinly veiled show of his own hangups.

But it still was wrong what happened. Perhaps Preston should have made it a bigger deal. If he showed true hurt from being called that, his roommates may have adjusted their reaction accordingly. Regardless, they should know that saying that is offensive to everyone, not just homosexuals. How is Ryan going to understand the magnitude of his words if his roommates choose to ignore them?

We've clearly reached a new phase of the Real World. The first phase was the introduction of important social issues to the world of twenty somethings. They were legitimately real people who had varying viewpoints and conflicted on race and other social issues, but also lived normal boring lives. I would say this phase lasted up to Back to New York. The trend was starting to veer towards the next phase, dubbed the "Sex Phase." Beginning with Chicago, the plots were geared more towards hooking up. Sure it had always been a part of the show, but now it was taking center stage. Las Vegas was the clear changing of the guards. Alcohol became a prominent player along with sex. Debauchery was the name of the game for the next bunch of seasons. Eventually, the formula became stale, particularly due to boring casts. I like to name this phase "Missionary Sex Phase." The sex and alcohol was still there, but it was kind of dull. Like missionary sex can sometimes be. I thought Real World was trying to move to a more youth active, socially conscious phase which Washington D.C. But the ratings bombed and the producers followed with Back to New Orleans. I'm loving this season so far, and it gives me hope that the Real World that I loved back in the early 2000's (boy that is weird to say) is making a resurgence.

But if last nights episode is any indication, there is going to be a complete disregard for a social voice in the show. You can have African-Americans, homosexuals, foster kids, and eskimos and say you are addressing social issues in society, but until you have a cast that confronts bigotry along with getting wasted and being a twenty something, the show cannot be what it once was.

With that said, this season has been great. I still am a huge Ryan fan for entertainment purposes, only. He clearly is a douchebag, and if he is straight, a bigoted homophobe. Jemmye is awesome Last episode she through a drink on a girl, which only crazy girls do. I think she is more like JWoww now than Snookie. Knight has surprised everyone by turning in quality performances each episode, and Erick and Sahar are great role players. Preston has the potential to be great as he certainly causes a plethora of drama (I was seriously debating using the word "plethora" in this blog. It seems out of place to use big words for a blog about the Real World). Ashley sucks but there is always one shitty housemate. I can't wait for the 2nd part of the season as the real drama is just about to begin.

Changing it Up

I've said at first that I wouldn't be doing episode recaps because it seems that's what most blogs about tv shows generally go. I don't really see the point. Chances are if someone is reading your blog about a tv show, they saw the episode that you are recapping. But when you want to offer commentary and opinion on that tv show, it is almost impossible not to recap the episode in some form. I am very guilty of describing events on the Real World that most people reading have seen. I do so only to provide context for my ridiculing certain cast members.

The problem becomes how do you balance commentary with summarization. The two are inevitably going to mix. I tried to steer clear of that, or at least not be so obvious, by writing about specific cast members or themes of the Real World. I like to think that's what makes me different, that I approach the show as if it were a college course where I had to discuss motives, underlying social ramifications, and the science of how bacteria is transferred between humans. But there is only so much to be discussed. Also, I have to assume a large portion of my audience (is 5 people really an audience) cares more about the current happenings than an episode from 1997. So sorry for the Seattle post.

So I have decided that I simply must do weekly commentary after each episode of either the Real World or the Challenge. I know I've said I would do so and then didn't, but I have to stick to it this time. Since there is a new episode of Real World: Back to New Orleans, I think it is only appropriate to post a little blog updating the season. And away we gooooooooooo!!!!!

So far, all you really need to know is this:

Ryan is insane, in both a good way and a bad way. He has now gotten into near fist fights or arguments with Preston, Knight, and Jemmye. Everyone else except for McKenzie thinks he's a psycho. More on that later.

Knight and Jemmye have been blatantly flirting, but the great thing is their flirting cuts out all the bullshit. Basically, it's just Knight saying "I'm going to have sex with you" and Jemmye responding "Probably yes, but maybe not tonight." Eric and Sahar flirted but ultimately she rejected him. They had their moment, now it's back to the support roles. McKenzie is become the most annoying person in the house for me. More on that. And Ashley plays basketball.

Now for the cool twist to my recaps. If you read sports columnists on ESPN.com or CNNSI.com, you may notice a trend in their twice a week columns. They employ a gimmick. Sometimes it is using a whole bunch of stats and writing a column around that. Other times it's lists. One of my favorite gimmicks is the Power Rankings. They basically tell you who is currently hot, who is falling, and who is in between. I love them. So I am going to use that gimmick from now on for my updates on the show.

*Disclaimer: This will not mean I won't be writing straight forward blogs about this season, or even future seasons. When something important happens (like potentially this weeks episode) I will devote an appropriate amount of words to it. Think of the Power Rankings as the weekly stand by of discussion on the current season. It will always be updated once a week, but it will not be my only words on a season. Also, if i miss a week, please CALL ME OUT ON IT!! I want the feedback for two reasons. I want to get better, both at updating regularly and also quality. I also want to just know people are reading. I'm insecure, America. Deal.

Week 3 Power Rankings: Real World: Back to New Orleans

1. Ryan: So what has Ryan accomplished to warrant the top spot in my inaugural rankings? Oh, he only got into near physical fights with the flamboyantly gay guy over a homophobic slur and the Jock guy over a faked shoulder injury. Not enough, he also called Jemmye "Trailer Trash" on the first night. He also said she was dressed like she was asking to get raped. Need more? He has a weird fetish where he likes to touch people's cold ears. Ryan also enjoys cuddling. Not so weird, except he likes cuddling with Preston as well as the girls. But he's not gay, he swears.

A lot of people have the knee jerk reaction to hate Ryan, and that is understandable. But there are two point to be made on that. First, I hope those same people aren't letting their hatred obscure the fact that he is ridiculously entertaining and interesting. Isn't that really what we want out of our casts? Second, while he is creepy and psychotic, he's also kind of funny. Take last week's episode. When Ryan was on the phone, Jemmye came in out of her mind drunk and looking for Knight. The expression on Ryan's face of contempt and disgust at Jemmye was priceless. I was laughing from my belly, otherwise known as a belly laugh. It was that funny. Let's also not forget he got the arguably hottest girl in the house (McKenzie) to be want him. I definitely think he's going to hook up with her depending on how much alcohol is involved and how normal Ryan can be. Folks, I can't stress this enough. Ryan is right now a top 5 Real World cast member. He's a legend after three episodes. We are witnessing greatness and I don't think people get it.

2. Jemmye- It was actually fairly close for her being #2 or #3, but ultimately this is where she belongs. Jemmye got insanely drunk in Episode 3 because Knight talked to another girl. Seriously, what ever happened to expressing your sadness in more subtle ways? You know, like just being a bitch to everyone like my sister does when she's sad. Jemmye eventually forgives Knight but he can't deal with her drunkenness. This surprised me since I assumed having sex with blacked out drunk chicks was how Knight got to 500 sexual encounters.

Later on, a drunk and crying Jemmye goes searching for Knight, who is hiding in the bathroom. Classic scene. Funny as hell because in one way or another, we've all been there. Seriously, is there anything funnier than a drunk girl crying over something so stupid and infantile? Maybe a drunk Ryan. Add on the fact that she got into a fight while in he underwear and hooked up with a roommate and she looks to be lock in the #2 spot for a while.

3. Knight- I'm surprised he debuts this high but I can't deny his performance thus far. He was really quiet in the first episode, and you start to think he's a disappointment. But he came out of his shell big time. The kid is a funny misogynist (that does occur) who was successful in wooing Jemmye. Sure, wooing Jemmye is about as difficult as finding a racist in Alabama, but still, he delivered on his promise within 3 episodes. He also got into a fight with Ryan, also not the hardest to do, but is still entertaining. Knight says a lot of douchy things, but they are still funny. It's a lot like in Jersey Shore. The Situation is a huge douchebag, but he says a lot of funny things. They are funny because he is so pathetic. Knight is a hugely scaled down, Midwestern version of that. The moment that gets Knight the third spot is his interactions with Jemmye when she's wasted in Episode 3. See above.

4. Preston- I haven't made up my mind on Preston yet. He certainly is involved in a lot of drama, which will almost always put him in the upper half of the rankings. He is quite the player, juggling two guys in one day (I must accept the fact that man on man displays of affection are a part of this show. Male/female interactions happen all the time, and it is hypocritical to not have a problem with that but think they shouldn't show the gay stuff. I usually take the opportunity to make a sandwich when that shows up, but I'm not mad about them showing it at all. Equal opportunity. But something tells me I'll be making a lot of sandwiches this season). Preston has gotten into it a couple of times with Ryan, and we already know there will be some major issues between the two soon.

At the same time, I can see myself getting tired of Preston. Honestly, not a big fan of the personality. The key for him will be being entertaining but not annoying. He could be more like Ryan or more like Ayiiia from RW Cancun. She was causing a lot of drama, but she just sucked as a person and I started tuning her out.

5. Eric- I'm going to give you a perfect example of how important Eric can be to the show. The scene where Jemmye was looking for Knight and Knight was hiding in the bathroom, Eric was with Knight cracking jokes. He was a catalyst to Knight even hiding in the bathroom. And the jokes he was spitting out amplified the hilarity of the situation. Perfect role player. Eric will not be the star of this show. He won't have many episodes where he is the featured sub plot. But this is where he shines. He takes a potentially funny situation and makes it hysterical. Cast members like Eric are vital for a season to be successful. I again make the comparison to Jacquese from RW San Diego, one of the best seasons in my mind. He didn't really stand out, but whenever there was a big moment during the season, he was there to make it even better. Eric is cut from the same mold.

6. Sahar- Much of what was said about Eric can be said about Sahar. It is ironic since they nearly had a romantic fling of their own. When their flirtation was showcased, my reaction was "Aww, that's cute." Aside from this being a sign that my relationship has changed the way I think, it is also funny how it showed how different I view Eric/Sahar from Knight/Jemmye. Eric and Sahar is wholesome. You hope they get married and have kids and coach Tee Ball. Knight and Jemmye is just wrong, and oh so right at the same time. Either way, you hope for humanity's sake they wear condoms.

While I see Eric as the comedic role player, I see Sahar as the dramatic role player. I predict she'll be involved in the flare ups amongst roommates or locals as the one trying to restore order. You also need those people to literally protect the other roommates from being kicked off the show. Sahar will also have her episode devoted to her singing, and I will make a sandwich that takes an hour to make.

7. McKenzie- Man this was a tough one. Part of me wanted to put her ahead of Preston because of the controversy she stirred up in Episode 3. But I just can't justify putting her above anyone else, despite the fact that she was the focal point of last week's episode. Here's why:

a. She was completely M.I.A. in Episode 2. There was literally no footage that the show runners could have used to give her some screen time. That says a lot.

b. She seems to be into Ryan, which boggles the mind. She does live with him, right? She is aware of the things he does. Maybe since she is blonde, and Ryan is blonde and does hair, she finds that attractive.

c. The issue with her friend from home and her hooking up with Ryan bothers me. I can understand if she is upset that her friend wound up spending more time with Ryan than her, but she caused that by cock blocking both Ryan and her friend. As soon as she saw Ryan flirting with "Suze" she made it her mission to be mother goose. I think Suze was upset that McKenzie was treating her like a child. But it was McKenzie who was acting immature.

McKenzie just frustrates me as a man. I think most guys know that girl, the one that gives you all the signs and asks very flirtatious and then gives you the cold shoulder when you try to progress things. I think that's how guys end up in the friends zone. They think they are hitting it off with a woman and then it just never happens. But they keep thinking it will and keep digging themselves in deeper and deeper. Ladies, to be fair, I am giving you the opportunity to comment on that guy if you wish. I know the majority of my audience (probably 3 or 4 by this point) are female so I want to hear what you have to say.

But the worst thing about McKenzie is she doesn't just do some childish things. She is childish. I understand that I'm going to find some things Real Worlders do immature since I am older than all of them. But at the very least, I expect them to have the general personality of an adult. McKenzie just doesn't. And she hasn't been very entertaining, to boot. So for now, she is at the bottom of the barrel.

8. Ashley- After I wrote that last line about McKenzie, I could've swore I was done. That's how forgettable Ashley has been. Seriously, her big moment thus far is making a few layups against Knight. She needs to step it up big time. I don't even have anything more to say, that's how bad she's been. She seems nice.

Alright everyone, look for a very special blog in the coming days. I promise it is thought provoking, intensely researched, and makes me look really pathetic.

Retro Review: Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet 3...The Greatest Challenge EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Part 2

Very sorry for once again saying I was going to post something soon and then not doing it. A couple of things got in the way and you know the rest. Maybe I should quit my job and become a shut in.

On to part 2!!

Veteran Season Highlights:

Coral/Beth Duel: This was perhaps the most hyped Challenge Duel of all time. Two titans of bitchery, queens of drama, and hobos of actual athletic skill. Beth enters these challenges knowing everyone will hate her. She is a true conniving bitch who should have been put out to pasture years ago, but the MTV producers know gold when they see it. Hence, she is a Challenge regular. Coral is pretty much the exact same way. The good thing about Coral is she'll tell you right to your face she doesn't like you and everyone cites that as a reason they respect her. I actually have another take on that. We all say that we rather someone tell us they don't like us to their face rather than behind their back. Not me. I'd go the ignorance is bliss route. I would much prefer to think everyone liked me than to know the truth. Sure, in the long run it's probably better to know the truth, but on a reality show not so much. It's like what if your girlfriend/boyfriend cheated on you. Most people would want to know. Not me. I would rather be kept in the dark about it. Knowing would hurt me too much and lead to a breakup. I don't know, maybe it's just me.

Back to the point, the guys on the Vets want to start throwing challenges and putting in their females since they view them as a weak link on the team. It actually makes sense since the fewer people left on your team, the more money you're in line to make. Since no one seems to like either Coral or Beth, they eventually find their way into the Gauntlet together. They both dislike each other with a fervor so it made for great excitement. Unfortunately, I felt the actual confrontation didn't deliver. It wound up as interesting as you would expect two unathletic 30 year olds competing to be. The Beth/Coral duel served as Beth's permanent exit from the Challenge. I guess she got tired of it all. At some point, Real Worlders have to face their own mortality. Sure, they have to face it at 30 and normal people may do so at 50 or 60. But STD's and steroids significantly affect one's lifespan.

Danny vs Himself Danny is a perpetual loser who thinks and acts like he has actually won something on these challenges. Basically, he is Lebron James. But while Danny can be counted on to just bore the shit out of us and get eliminated early because he has so coordination or athletic skills, he actually played well above his head this season. Considering how much talent was on his team, this was quite a feat. I would say he was more interesting than Kenny this season. I know, I just blew your collective minds. Unfortunately, most of the entertainment came from Danny being a moron and shooting himself in the foot. Danny had two typical "Danny" moments which kind of define who he is. The first came when his girlfriend, Melinda, was voted into the Gauntlet. Danny assumed that Johanna stabbed her in the back, which didn't actually happen. Danny storms into the Rookies Deliberation Tent and berates her. Johanna counters that he is wrong and not funny. Danny comes across looking like a douchebag, made all the more amazing since they didn't know at the time he was completely wrong. Danny is just a douchebag. I wonder why him and Melinda got divorced?

The second "Danny" moment was when he was the last Veteran left in the second to last challenge before the finale. The male Vets decided to throw the challenge to eliminate a female. Danny thought he was going to make a smart strategic move by being the last person and making a deal to be saved. Unfortunately, Frank didn't agree with the deal and Danny eventually quit. The fellow Vets were suspicious, and Frank confirmed he tried to make a deal. And thus, Danny sealed his fate. The Vets sent him into the gauntlet against puny Adam, and Danny lost. He is definitely one of the worst regulars athletically and socially. But for the first time, his ineptness and idiocy actually was a positive.

THE FINAL CHALLENGE

The most memorable moment of the entire show, and one of the top 5 moments in Challenge history has to be Eric "Big Easy" and his near death during the final challenge. Some back story:

The Rookies were screwed going into the final challenge. They only had two guys left, and overall were fewer people than the Vets, who had the likes of Kenny, Evan, Evelyn, and CT still around. But they also had "big easy." Part of the rules for the final challenge was every member of the team had to cross the finish line. Because "Big Easy" ran out of breathe when he woke up that morning, the Rookies got out to a sizable lead. Eventually, "Big Easy" collapsed, the Vets yelled, and the Rookies won. But there is soooooooooooooo much more to this story.

1. During the entire season, we didn't hear one word about "Big Easy" holding the Vets back, then during the last two that was all anyone could talk about. Clearly the Rookies knew something but they never had many opportunities to save him. Clearly, there is a deficiency in smarts on the Challenge, which makes Frank even more valuable.

2. Big Easy pretty much died during the swimming portion of the competition. Beforehand he was saying how there was no way he would quit, and people seemed to be appeased. But don't you all see? We don't question "Big Easy's" heart, we question whether he is going to have a heart attack.

3. During the latter stages, Big Easy finally just collapses. The team starts berating him and crying about losing out on $30,000. Well, there are a couple of things wrong with this picture. First, this kid is about to die. Have some compassion. Second, it's $30,000, $15,000 after taxes. Not exactly life changing money. The only person who had the right mindset was Brad. And he also has never won a challenge. The world is just not fair.

4. Frank had said before there was no chance his team was going to win because they sucked. Very true. His team was literally handed victory but they almost snatched defeat out of the hands of triumph. When "Big Easy" was taken away in an ambulance, the Veterans hauled ass and actually caught up to the Rookies. They completed the competition first! Let me make this clear. The Veterans were held up by a guy being taken away in an ambulance, which usually takes at least ten minutes. And they had fallen behind by a supremely large margin beforehand. Frank was right, his team was god awful. To further this point, it was revealed in the reunion that after TJ Lavin told the Vets they lost, only Frank kept digging to get the chest and raise the flag. His team quit on him and told him to win them money. And he did.

5. It was also revealed in the Reunion show that after being released from the hospital, "Big Easy" was at the after party drinking beers. Maybe he didn't have the big heart after all.

All in all, a fantastic season of the Challenge. I was thoroughly entertained throughout. A Challenge beast was born (Frank), an all star team was shocked (The Vets), a person almost died (Big Easy), and we all grew a little bit (except for Danny because he just sucks). Word has it the Gauntlet 4 is the next Challenge. "Big Easy" will be there. I sure will be.

Of all the Vets, the person who played over their head this season the most was Danny. He is a perpetual loser who acts as though he is a champion. Essentially, he is Lebron James. This season, at least Danny was entertaining. And i'll be the first to give him credit for doing so in a sea of entertaining Veterans.

Retro Review: Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet 3...The Greatest Challenge EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't follow the Challenges that closely, you probably aren't aware of the biggest secret in the show. Frank Roessler (RW Vegas) could have been in the top 3 of all time Challenge participants.

Who, you say? Well, that is a fair question. Frank sort of came and went, much like a lot of other flash in the pan contestants. The main difference is Frank was a freakin' animal at the Challenge. Rewatching my favorite Challenge, you forget just how dominant Frank was. And the crazy thing is his team sent him into the Gauntlet quite frequently. Quite a paradox. What made the season so great, in my opinion, was how an entire team turned against their best player, clearly caring more about not dealing with the alpha male aside from actually winning the competition. The rub of the whole thing was after trying to get rid of Frank (and his girlfriend Jillian (RW: X-Treme), he pretty much single handedly won the final Challenge for the Rookies, one of the biggest upsets in Challenge history.

Frank is one of my all time favorite cast members, not just for this season of the Challenge but also his two Real World seasons. But the Gauntlet 3 was the best season of the Challenge for more reasons than just Frank. But take my word for it, just ask....um.....ok just take my word for it backed up by some compelling arguments.

Cast

The Veterans side of the Gauntlet 3 was a Murderer's Row of talent. Top to bottom, they were stacked with an overabundance of alpha male personalities, psycho bitches, steroids, and even some yet to be discovered std's.

(Side note: While writing this, that incredibly annoying Mohegan Sun commercial came on. Seriously, name me a cornier, more irritating commercial.)

Here's the roster for the Vets:

Adam (RW Paris) Brad, C.T., Diem (Fresh Meat) Eric (Big Easy) Evan, Kenny, Evelyn, Paula, Robin, Danny (RW Austin), Katie, Casey, Coral, Beth (RW Los Angeles), and Johnny "Domestic Violence."

You basically had 5 alpha males running the show in Kenny, Evan, C.T. Brad, and Johnny "Domestic Violence." Anytime you can have a combination of 3 of those guys, you're in for a great season. And they had 5, including the formidable Kenny, Evan, "Domestic Violence" trio. Add an insane 'roided C.T. and it's pure awesomeness (my only regret this season is that C.T. actually made it to the end of a Challenge. When you put C.T. on the show, it should be in writing that he has to get drunk and sucker punch someone smaller than him).

The female cast was arguably even more impressive. Coral and Beth, the two veteran superstars who created more drama than all the other girls combined. Party girl Robin, who always hooks up and/or says something mildly racist, psycho Paula (who really is the Charlie Brown of the Challenges. And everyone who holds power in the show is Lucy pulling the football out), Casey, Katie, and most evil woman(?) in the world Evelyn. Not a single participant on the Veterans did not bring something highly entertaining and hilarious to the table. They were the "Ocean's Eleven" of Challenge casts. I mean, Johnny "Domestic Violence" got eliminated during the third episode! What does that tell you about the depth of the cast?

Rookies roster:

Frank, Jillian, M.J. (RW Philadelphia) Melinda, Rachel, Johanna (all RW Austin) Tyrie and Brooke (RW Denver) Zach Janelle and Tyler (RW Key West) Angel (RR Viewers Revenge, Ryan (Fresh Meat) and Derek (RR Viewers Revenge), and Tori.

At first look, not an impressive cast. And it was reflected in the show. There were clear leaders amongst the group who truly shined, but a lot of the others just weren't so great. But a lot of props goes to the incredibly annoying trio of RW Austin girls. As all the guys kept getting knocked off, the girls became increasingly manipulative as they all realized they had the power over the few remaining guys. I personally enjoyed this since we are so used to seeing the guys with all the power. Seeing Frank whine about being unable to get his way at all was priceless.

The Season

There were so many great plots throughout the season that it's tough to single out a few, but I'll give it a go.

The Frank/Jillian vs. the rest of the team plot: I'll admit I was on the Frank/Jillian side throughout the entire show, and here is why: During RW Vegas, Frank was digging Trishelle and she seemed to like him back. Then, roommate Steven swooped in and stole Trishelle away from Frank. The worst part is since Frank never actually had Trishelle, he couldn't really do anything about it. I can personally commiserate with that and have always liked Frank ever since. Jillian seemed like a good person and was quite attractive, plus she kicked ass during the show despite the long odds.

The Veterans realized early on that Frank was one of the best players. Unfortunately, the Rookies did not have that epiphany. In Episode 3, they sent in Frank versus Tyler, which Frank subsequently won. The Veterans then sent him in on the next opportunity, and Frank once again emerged victorious. He got a reprieve the following episode, but then the Vets shrewdly voted in Frank again. The Rookies, at this point composed of mostly girls who were not big fans of Frank's, chose to send in M.J. a former football player and the second best player left for the Rookies.

To those loyal readers of this blog, you know I tend to over analyze this show, discussing strategy and stats as if this was Major League Baseball. Well, very few moments in the show's history are as worthy of in depth analysis as the moment when the Rookies put MJ in against Frank.

The very purpose of the show is to win, and you win by making sure you have as many of your best players in the final challenge as possible. Frank understood this. He also wore glasses during a elimination challenge, so let's not heap too many praises on him. The four remaining guys were Frank, MJ, Ryan, and Nehemiah. Ryan was saved from elimination by the Vets. During the actual challenge, Nehemiah was god awful. During the entire season, he was average. The clear choice between sending in either Nehemiah or MJ to go against Frank was Nehemiah. The females decided they would rather kick Frank out rather than give themselves the best chance to win. They put their two best players up against each other. I'll be honest that during the season it was often tough to defend Frank, but after seeing that move, I immediately supported Frank. How would any of us have fared having to constantly argue against that idiocy daily. Frank wound up winning, and a good competitor was sent home regardless.

Jillian, unfortunately, was even more screwed over by her team. The Vets voted her into the Gauntlet the first two times, and she won. Frank clearly did not want to see his girlfriend go into the Gauntlet again, and he made it clear that Jillian should not go in three consecutive times. The fair thing to do would have been to give her a break and have another girl selected. However, the Rookies had previously decided that whoever was put into the Gauntlet would get to choose their opponent. Janelle was selected, and she wanted Jillian. Frank pleaded and whined and through a temper tantrum, but the girls were insistent that she go in (of course, so they wouldn't have to). I'm not saying Frank did it the best way, but if my girlfriend was being put in danger yet again, I would do everything to try to prevent that from happening, including whining, crying, and maybe soiling myself. I really like her is all. Jillian amazingly won again, and finally she was saved from all future Gauntlets. But the damage had been done. Seriously, was no one thinking long term here? "Let's seriously piss off our best guy on the team so that at best, he holds a significant grudge, and at worse, his girlfriend goes home, and he throws challenges." Real smart, ladies. The amazing thing is that they actually won it all, mainly because Frank and Jillian made it to the end. Irony, huh?

Frank vs. Tori plot A subsection of the Frank/Jillian vs. team plot was Frank vs. Tori. I have to say Tori came out awful in this challenge. When her team voted her in versus Melinda (her bff) she responded by saying she was going to throw the rest of the challenges. Real good team attitude there. She was offended that someone had the gall to treat the Challenge like a game show and vote her in. Sorry, Tori, but the rest of the team doesn't care that she's your friend, just like you didn't care that Jillian was Frank's girlfriend. I lost complete respect for her, which I know sounds weird since just being on the show lost my respect. But still, it did. Later on in the season, Frank made a deal with Adam that if he threw the Challenge for the Vets, the Rookies would save him. Frank made a mistake of not informing the rest of his team, but still, they should have agreed with him. After all, he was only carrying the team. Sure enough, the Tori-led faction of the team decided to vote in Adam. Frank was livid and finally snapped. He cursed out Tori, and I really hope than 1 million people stood up and applauded at that moment. Great television. I remember watching that and going "Yeah, ef you Tori!" Man, I'm waaaaaay too invested.

That was the main drama surrounding the Rookies team. There were a few other tidbits that are definitely worth mentioning:

Melinda hurt her head during a challenge, then used that as an excuse to not get voted into the Gauntlet. Later, the Veterans vote her into the Gauntlet. She demands to go against Jillian, which is grossly unfair since so many others have not gone in and Jillian has gone in three times. Melinda further screws herself by stating if it isn't Jillian, than she will throw all the challenges. Doesn't Melinda realize you don't negotiate with terrorists? It's a policy for the Real World producers. Naturally, the rest of her team votes Tori in for extra spite. Tori doesn't want to fight against Melinda, but is convinced to by Brad. After winning, she declares that she hates her team and doesn't want to see them lose. That lasts for about an episode.

Frank vs. MJ: As mentioned, Frank is pitted against the bigger and stronger MJ. He is realistic in saying he probably is going home. His team agrees as this is clearly a move designed to send Frank outta here. The actual Gauntlet involves tying a rope to each player's ankle and then trying to pull your opponent across a line. Frank is a relatively smart cat, so he devises a plan to dig himself into the same and hope MJ tires himself out. MJ is a relatively dumb cat, so he immediately starts pulling and tiring himself out. Slowly but surely, Frank wins and everyone except for Jillian is bummed out. Personally, I viewed this as Frank's coming out party (and only in a semi-gay way). Until now, he was viewed a good competitor but not someone you would necessarily not want to go up against under any circumstance. After this win, he established himself as a true alpha dog, along the likes of Alton and Derrick. They are two good guys who rely solely on their physical skills and intelligence to win Challenges, not manipulation. Frank could have coasted to another $250,000 by just being that awesome competitor that the people who organize alliances would want in their camp. It happened with Derrick on the Island. He stayed out of the drama and coasted to the finals by being a nice guy who TJ Lavined it on Challenges. Frank is overall a good guy who cares about fairness a little too much. If he could check his emotions, he would be a guaranteed winner. Yet since the Gauntlet 3, he has not appeared on a Challenge, while Jillian just completed Fresh Meat 2.

Tomorrow, I will be doing Part 2, profiling the Veterans. Stay tuned....

Quote:

Frank: Fuck you, Tori! Seriously, go fuck yourself.

(Spoiler) Unconfirmed cast for the Gauntlet 4

I stumbled across this clip on YouTube advertising the new cast list for the upcoming Real World/Road Rules Challenge. It will be the Gauntlet 4 and should air sometime in the fall, 2010. It will comprised of Rookies vs. Veterans, as per past Gauntlets. Here's the list:

Rookies: Veterans

Ayiiia (RW Cancun) Dunbar (RW Sydney)

Vinny (Fresh Meat 2) Jenn (RW Denver)

Cara Maria (Fresh Meat 2) Brad (RW San Diego)

Chet (RW Brookyln Katie (RR The Quest)

Emilee (RW Cancun) Eric "Big Easy" (Fresh Meat)

Dan (RR Viewers Revenge) Melinda (RW Austin)

Emily (RW DC) Johnny " Domestic Violence" (RW Key West)

Derek (RW Cancun) Paula (RW Key West)

Laurel (Fresh Meat 2) Derrick (RR X-Treme)

JD (RW Brooklyn) Tori ( RR Viewer's Revenge)

Mandi (Fresh Meat 2) Ace (RW Paris)

Brandon (Fresh Meat 2) Tyler (RW Key West)

Theresa (Fresh Meat 2) Shavoun (RW Sydney)

Ty (RW DC)

I'm not sure how official this is since the teams seem to be odd numbered. But if the cast holds up, we could be in for an interesting Challenge. Ty will be interesting since he has some alcohol and violence issues and likes to fight women. I think him and Johnny "Domestic Violence" are going to get along famously. Ayiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiia is also making her debut. She was quite the awful human being during RW Cancun and everyone hated her. Here's hoping lightning strikes twice.

On the Veterans side, we have Johnny and Derrick as the only two perennial winners. And Johnny is the only one out of the "Johnny, Wes, Evan, Kenny" core that tend to control the game. There needs to be at least two alpha dogs to spice it up, and I don't know if we have that here. Derrick is a beast, but he also doesn't involve himself too much in the politicking. I'm glad to see Brad on once again, with his wife Tori. They should provide plenty of UI (unintentional comedy) especially since it appears Brad still doesn't have a job (Tori must not work either, yet she derides Brad for not having a job?). After failing in the 7 previous Challenges he has been on, this seems to be his best chance at victory. I'll certainly be rooting for him, but it's really getting to be like being a Cubs fan when you root for Brad.

Competition-wise, it is clear the Veterans are going to TJ Lavin it. I mean, aside from Laurel, the Rookies don't have much going on. Chet? Derek? Drunk Dan? There best group of players is Vinnie, Laurel, Brandon, Ty, and JD. Compare that to Derrick, Johnny, Brad, Tori, Tyler, Jenn, and Dunbar. No contest. The Rookies only hope is to employ a similar strategy that the Rookies used in Gauntlet 3. Keep Big Easy around. In Gauntlet 3, he almost died in the final challenge and the Rookies pulled out the upset. That's the only way I see them winning this one. To be fair, their weak points are nowhere near as glaring as the Vets. I think it is safe to assume the producers set this up so that the Veterans would dominate, but the Rookies would ultimately neutralize them by keeping around the Vets worst players (Big Easy, Katie, and Shavoun).

I'm now off to submit this column to ESPN in hopes they see this as respectable sports analysis akin to Buster Olney's baseball column.

Eric "Big Easy"- I can run a 10 minute mile.

Real World: Back to New Orleans Season Premier Part 2

Ok, ok, I know I said I would post my part 2 the day after I posted part 1, but it was my birthday this weekend so I couldn't get around to it. Actually, I had plenty of time but just kept putting it off. But with episode two airing tomorrow, I simply had to get this done. Sorry for the delay, and also sorry for not posting more consistently. I'm really shooting myself in the foot by not doing so, and I simply need to be better if this blog is going to take off.

* Also like to give a shout out to Danielle, who recently joined the facebook fan page. That's right, if you become a fan, you get a shout out. Danielle, let me know if you want me to link to any blogs you might have. I will seriously whore myself out to anyone who becomes a fan or promotes my blog.

Now that things have gotten weird and uncomfortable, it perfectly segues into Part 2 of the Back to New Orleans premiere...dedicated entirely to Ryan.

You know how Stephen Strasburg recently made his major league debut and everyone knew instantly he was going to be a star? That is pretty much is how I feel about Ryan. This kid is destined to be a Hall of Famer. Could there be any other impression after watching his multiple freakouts during the season premiere? Keeping with the sports analogies, he is like a pitcher who threw a no hitter in his major league debut. Ryan absolutely TJ Lavined it during the premiere.* And from what I've heard about the rest of the season, it doesn't appear like he will be slowing down. Let's get right to the highlights!

* In case I didn't explain it before, TJ Lavining something is when you kill it, really do well. TJ Lavin used to always say "You killed it" but he stopped doing it. So in his honor, when someone kills it, I like to say they "TJ Lavined it."

So Ryan enters the house a ball of energy. Immediately, he flips out when he has to room with Knights, presumably because Knight (First Name also Ryan) calls himself 'Knight' and is the opposite of Ryan (translation: normal, alpha male, not ambiguously gay). Ryan connives his way into trading rooms with Ashley, which wouldn't be so odd except he clearly snorted a lot of coke before doing the roommate switch. He was waaaaaaaaaaay too happy to switch out of rooming with Knight. My theory is when Ryan was in high school members of the football team either shoved him in a locker or shoved a parking cone up an orifice. Hence, Ryan equates jock-looking Knight with bullying, or parking cones. Normally, Knight probably would have been offended by such blatant disrespect. But after seeing 5 seconds of how Ryan acts, Knight seemed more than ok with Ryan switching out. Unfortunately, these two still have to share a house, and they would wind up butting heads later on in the episode.

Later on, the cast is sitting around the table and Ryan asks if anyone has any history with drugs. This is a weird question on a few levels. Generally, the more outgoing person might ask if anyone is gay or a virgin. That's about it for acceptable questions to ask strangers on the Real World. Personally, I wouldn't think it is appropriate to ask those questions either. But this is the Real World, and it has become the norm for someone to throw that out there. But to ask if anyone had a history with drugs? Just weird. Also, a little too convenient considering that Knight did have a problem with drugs. If it comes out that the producers asked Ryan to say that instead of him doing it himself, it will be akin to finding out A-Rod did steroids. We find out during this public confessional that Ryan dated a girl. What?! I could've swore he was...! Oh, nevermind. We also discover that he took it really hard and became addicted to painkillers. Dude, man up. When a girl breaks your heart, you hide it deep down and let it escape during Thanksgiving dinner.

We very quickly begin to learn a lot about Ryan, mainly because he wants us to know it all. If some people wear their heart on their sleeve, then Ryan wears it on his trench coat. It's just too much. Forget normal people. Weirdos don't even act like this. Later on, Ryan picks a fight with Knight because he is too open and emotional. Knight feels that a man shouldn't be as emotional as Ryan is. A bit crass and behind the times, but when you see how Ryan behaves, it makes you want to put on John Wayne movies and chew tobacco while listening to Johnny Cash.

But wait, it gets better! Jemmye dons a Snookie-esque cocktail dress for the house's first night out. Ryan comments that she is asking to get raped. Nice. Listen, I wouldn't want my daughter (or son, for different reasons) to walk out of the house dressed like Jemmye was. And I would certainly be worried that her outfit would draw the wrong kind of attention. But you don't say that, particularly to someone you just met. You do the appropriate thing and call her trashy behind her back.

The gang go out for a night on the town, and McKenzie tells Ryan to watch her because she blacks out really easily when she drinks. Ryan being Ryan, he is in love with McKenzie by this point. So when she starts flirting with some older guys, Ryan naturally gets all huffy and throws a mini tantrum. I think he was just upset that he would have to unleash his inner stalker earlier than he normally likes to. Everyone better hide the Vicodin, Ryan's depressed :( The night really gets interesting when the gang all decide to hit the gay bar.

Side note: I like how going to the gay bar has become so prevalent in Real World that the straight guys all want to go their more than the gay ones. I actually think this is a legitimately good sign that our society is heading in the right direction with gay rights.

At the gay bar, a patron comes up to Ryan and offers to buy him drinks. Ryan doesn't seem to understand the other guy is flirting with him, or maybe he doesn't care. After all, working in a hair salon he is probably use to it. Being my quirky self, I actually was pissed off that when the guy offered to by him a drink, Ryan got two drinks and immediately left the other guy. It's simple courtesy to either get one drink and be on your way or if you get two, at least talk to the guy a bit. Ryan was just flaunting that he was using him to get free drinks. This guy is not just insane and hyper, but he's also a dick.

As they all leave, Ryan comes out looking like someone just showed him Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS (disgusted for all you non sports fans). Apparently, some guy kissed him on the neck. Ryan furiously rubs his neck, and when Preston razzes him about it, Ryan defiantly says that he rather kill himself than have another guy kiss him. Right in front of Preston, a gay man. Just wow. I'm thinking if a president really wants to ruin a relationship with another country, he simply needs to hirer Ryan as the ambassador. On one end is Henry Kissinger, and on the other is Ryan ( BTW, very proud of myself for referencing Henry Kissinger in a blog about the Real World).

I know I sound like a broken record, but again, here's where it gets interesting. Preston understandably gets mad and shocked by Ryan's comment. Ryan immediately tries to explain himself. Preston does the mature thing and says "let it go, we'll talk about it tomorrow." Ryan does the Ryan thing and flips out trying to convince Preston he isn't a homophobe, just a self-hating homosexual. Thank God he isn't Jewish. Ryan starts getting aggressive with Preston. Is he really trying to fight Preston because Preston doesn't want to get into it? You betcha. Knight literally has to carry Ryan away, and eventually they all head home.

But it doesn't even end there. Ryan still wants to "talk" and tries to start up again while Preston is in bed. Jemmye eventually gets involved and Ryan calls her "trailer trash." It's pretty amazing that he said two completely inappropriate and hurtful remarks to roommates he just met that day. The other hilarious part of that scene is Jemmye jumping out of bed in her bra and panties like it is no biggie. Could she wind up better than Snookie?

Finally, Ryan and Preston hash things out, but it is only getting better. It's a lot to digest and now you see why this took so long. There has never been a cast member so instantly reviled by the rest of the roommates, not even Puck. Ryan is something completely different. The Real World has had the rude one, the racist or homophobic one, the bitch, and the one who says whatever is on their mind. But Ryan is all of them, plus extremely hyper, absolutely no filter, and clinically bipolar. Not only is he the extreme version of other notable Real World alum, but he is things that no one has been before. This is going to sound extremely stupid and inane, and it is. But it is also technically correct:

Assuming he maintains this level, Ryan will become a once in a generation talent the same way Tiger Woods, John Lennon, Michael Jordan, Kurt Cobain, Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, Madonna, and Bill Gates were/are. These people came along and were just better than anyone else who came before them in their era in their respective fields. I think Ryan is the Real World equivalent. Up until now, most people would agree that Puck was the biggest character in the history of the show, and he was in one of the first seasons. 20+ years later we are in a new generation of Real World viewers. It was inevitable that we would eventually get another Puck. But we may have surpassed even Puck with Ryan.

Years from now, when I have my grandkids on my lap and they talk about their favorite reality shows, I will smile and say "Did I ever tell you kids about the time I saw Ryan from Real World: Back to New Orleans call a roommate trailer trash on the very first day?"

We are all witnesses.

Real World: Back to New Orleans Season Premier

Will you remember where you were on June 30th, 2010.

For many people just another day. But for me, it may have been the beginning of the best season in Real World history. I cannot remember another season premier that left me so entertained and excited for the rest of the season. Just when I think the show has fallen over a cliff, the show produces this gem. I was tempted to describe my thoughts in a running diary, but I'm glad I waited. I needed to digest all that happened and come to terms with the awesomeness that was the premiere of Real World: Back to New Orleans.

The college kid in me still immediately determines how good a season will be by how attractive the girls are. The theory goes that if they aren't very attractive, they will either be very annoying, party animals, or absolutely boring. The past few seasons have seen some marginally attractive girls but no outright beauties. They have generally wound up being incredibly annoying or just boring personality-wise. So at the very least, I want an attractive girl to look at to at least blunt the awful personality potential. Well, MTV sure loaded up on the hot girls this season.

McKenzie is from Florida, blonde, beautiful, and blacks out a lot from drinking. I like her. I just get that feeling...

She has that bubbly, carefree personality where she wants to get along with everyone. I'm a fan of those types of girls. They won't be the ones starting fistfights, but they will be down to have a good time. Absolute necessity for the show. She will most likely have a prolonged flirtation with another roommate, probably Knight. I see her as a poor man's Cameron from RW: San Diego. And that is indeed a compliment.

Sahar is a liberal Muslim-American who is a much hotter, less bitchy and annoying version of Parisa from RW: Sydney. She may be the most attractive female on the show, but it seems from the first episode, she won't really be stirring the pot all that much. Ironically, she is a singer, like Parisa, but I can already tell her voice is better because she is more attractive. That's just the rule. Sahar will probably fill the role of the one who doesn't really have any continuing story lines but provides a bit of a narrative for the rest of the cast. Think Jacquese from RW: San Diego. That was a phenomenal season but he really wasn't directly a part of the stuff that made it good. However, he made real funny comments to the camera and enhanced already great situations. Sahar is going to be a quality role player, for sure. But I'm sure she won't be like the last singer, Erica from RW: D.C., since Sahara is attractive. So she can't be annoying. That is the rule.

Ashlee is from Boston and just got out of a long term relationship. That's a big plus since she will be more than ready to mingle. The guys like her for her "Angelina Jolie" lips. In other words, they think she'll give good head. Personally, I'm not feeling her. She reminds me too much of one of the horsewomen in Lord of the Rings. She seriously could've been a wife of a Rohan soldier. I don't know what to expect from this girl. She's a wild card. Could be a crazy girl who gets into fights and has no problem swapping STD's or she could be boring as hell and we won't find out about the STD's she swapped. In a weird way, I feel she could be the one who determines if this season is good or great. I already can tell who the minor players are going to be. I think if Ashlee turns out to be like Sahar, this season might fail. It's a lot of pressure for someone to have, but I think Ashlee will rise to the occasion.

Jemmye is the Real World's answer to Jersey Shore's Snookie. I said it first. Let's look at the tale of the tape:

Snookie is tan, brunette, and has a strong Jersey accent. Jemmye is tan, brunette, and has a strong Mississippi accent. Both wear ridiculously short black mini dresses that single handedly employ the guy who is responsible for blurring their crotches. They both are very promiscuous, although i think Jemmye is going to have an easier time getting laid. It's almost too much of a coincidence that those two are so similar. Here's yet another one of my theories:

The producers of the Real World got complacent and tried getting cute with the casting. It backfired with the RW: D.C. Then Jersey Shore blew up. The show is the Real World times 1,000. The Real World producers knew their show was in danger. So they are trying to hit a home run by getting the craziest cast together as possible. In this instance, they simply stole the formula that made Snookie a huge star and are hoping lightning strikes twice with Jemmye.

If the first episode is any indication, Jemmye is going to be an enormous part of the season and future Challenges. Blurred out crotch shots, check. Fight with a roommate, check. Getting into said fight while wearing only bra and panties and not seeming to care who else saw? Check and mate. A roommate called her trailer trash and everyone was shocked. But is he really that wrong?

The guys seem equally intriguing, but for more heterosexual reasons. There are your standard Real World cliches, to be sure. But the true standout may also wind up being the greatest Real Worlder in the history of the show.

Eric is someone I actually am a bit shocked is on the show. He works for the State Department in International Relations, so he already has a very important regular job. I would kill to have that kind of job. But he is now going on the Real World? Does he lose his job or does the State Department give time off to go on the Real World? He also is an aspiring comic. Oh, ok. Now I get it. Eric wants to be famous. That's cute. If only he realized that the Real World is the worst way to achieve your actual dreams of fame. In order to be truly famous on the Real World, you must become famous by being on the show and acting crazy and taking steroids. In other words, be CT. Eric is going to be the guy version of Sahar. An easy going guy who has one episode focused on him specifically but otherwise is there to move the story along for the rest.

Knight is actually his last name. His first name is Ryan but he goes by Knight. Alright then, sounds like a cool guy. Knight's the meathead so he'll wind up flirting with McKenzie or having sex with Jemmye. The wrinkle with Knight is he was addicted to painkillers, or as I call them, Rush Limbaugh drugs. Preview clips show him taking some, so he will have a decent storyline. Knight is destined to be a Challenge player, but I'm not sure he has the personality to get to the level of Kenny or Evan.

Preston is one of the better gay guys to come on the show. He's flaming so we can view him more of a character than a person. I always found it disturbing how they chose to cast the gay guy on the Real World. They really go for someone over the top, in general, which portrays a stereotypical version of gay people that could lead to unfair prejudices. But then again, they are entertaining as hell. Preston is already being compared to Boston Celtic's Rajon Rando in appearance, and I can definitely see the resemblance. He is very outgoing, speaks his mind, and isn't afraid to get into it with roommates. This guy is going to be an All-Star, for sure. I can't say much more about it him without stepping on the toes of the "potential greatest" as I will now call Ryan.

In fact, I need more time to articulate my thoughts on the "potential greatest." So all you readers are getting a Part 2 tomorrow. Stay tuned...

Jemmy describing her tattoos: "I have 6 of them. 1,2,3 (pointing them out) 4 for my mother who had breast cancer, 5 and my personal favorite is my vajajay tattoo."