Changing it Up

I've said at first that I wouldn't be doing episode recaps because it seems that's what most blogs about tv shows generally go. I don't really see the point. Chances are if someone is reading your blog about a tv show, they saw the episode that you are recapping. But when you want to offer commentary and opinion on that tv show, it is almost impossible not to recap the episode in some form. I am very guilty of describing events on the Real World that most people reading have seen. I do so only to provide context for my ridiculing certain cast members.

The problem becomes how do you balance commentary with summarization. The two are inevitably going to mix. I tried to steer clear of that, or at least not be so obvious, by writing about specific cast members or themes of the Real World. I like to think that's what makes me different, that I approach the show as if it were a college course where I had to discuss motives, underlying social ramifications, and the science of how bacteria is transferred between humans. But there is only so much to be discussed. Also, I have to assume a large portion of my audience (is 5 people really an audience) cares more about the current happenings than an episode from 1997. So sorry for the Seattle post.

So I have decided that I simply must do weekly commentary after each episode of either the Real World or the Challenge. I know I've said I would do so and then didn't, but I have to stick to it this time. Since there is a new episode of Real World: Back to New Orleans, I think it is only appropriate to post a little blog updating the season. And away we gooooooooooo!!!!!

So far, all you really need to know is this:

Ryan is insane, in both a good way and a bad way. He has now gotten into near fist fights or arguments with Preston, Knight, and Jemmye. Everyone else except for McKenzie thinks he's a psycho. More on that later.

Knight and Jemmye have been blatantly flirting, but the great thing is their flirting cuts out all the bullshit. Basically, it's just Knight saying "I'm going to have sex with you" and Jemmye responding "Probably yes, but maybe not tonight." Eric and Sahar flirted but ultimately she rejected him. They had their moment, now it's back to the support roles. McKenzie is become the most annoying person in the house for me. More on that. And Ashley plays basketball.

Now for the cool twist to my recaps. If you read sports columnists on ESPN.com or CNNSI.com, you may notice a trend in their twice a week columns. They employ a gimmick. Sometimes it is using a whole bunch of stats and writing a column around that. Other times it's lists. One of my favorite gimmicks is the Power Rankings. They basically tell you who is currently hot, who is falling, and who is in between. I love them. So I am going to use that gimmick from now on for my updates on the show.

*Disclaimer: This will not mean I won't be writing straight forward blogs about this season, or even future seasons. When something important happens (like potentially this weeks episode) I will devote an appropriate amount of words to it. Think of the Power Rankings as the weekly stand by of discussion on the current season. It will always be updated once a week, but it will not be my only words on a season. Also, if i miss a week, please CALL ME OUT ON IT!! I want the feedback for two reasons. I want to get better, both at updating regularly and also quality. I also want to just know people are reading. I'm insecure, America. Deal.

Week 3 Power Rankings: Real World: Back to New Orleans

1. Ryan: So what has Ryan accomplished to warrant the top spot in my inaugural rankings? Oh, he only got into near physical fights with the flamboyantly gay guy over a homophobic slur and the Jock guy over a faked shoulder injury. Not enough, he also called Jemmye "Trailer Trash" on the first night. He also said she was dressed like she was asking to get raped. Need more? He has a weird fetish where he likes to touch people's cold ears. Ryan also enjoys cuddling. Not so weird, except he likes cuddling with Preston as well as the girls. But he's not gay, he swears.

A lot of people have the knee jerk reaction to hate Ryan, and that is understandable. But there are two point to be made on that. First, I hope those same people aren't letting their hatred obscure the fact that he is ridiculously entertaining and interesting. Isn't that really what we want out of our casts? Second, while he is creepy and psychotic, he's also kind of funny. Take last week's episode. When Ryan was on the phone, Jemmye came in out of her mind drunk and looking for Knight. The expression on Ryan's face of contempt and disgust at Jemmye was priceless. I was laughing from my belly, otherwise known as a belly laugh. It was that funny. Let's also not forget he got the arguably hottest girl in the house (McKenzie) to be want him. I definitely think he's going to hook up with her depending on how much alcohol is involved and how normal Ryan can be. Folks, I can't stress this enough. Ryan is right now a top 5 Real World cast member. He's a legend after three episodes. We are witnessing greatness and I don't think people get it.

2. Jemmye- It was actually fairly close for her being #2 or #3, but ultimately this is where she belongs. Jemmye got insanely drunk in Episode 3 because Knight talked to another girl. Seriously, what ever happened to expressing your sadness in more subtle ways? You know, like just being a bitch to everyone like my sister does when she's sad. Jemmye eventually forgives Knight but he can't deal with her drunkenness. This surprised me since I assumed having sex with blacked out drunk chicks was how Knight got to 500 sexual encounters.

Later on, a drunk and crying Jemmye goes searching for Knight, who is hiding in the bathroom. Classic scene. Funny as hell because in one way or another, we've all been there. Seriously, is there anything funnier than a drunk girl crying over something so stupid and infantile? Maybe a drunk Ryan. Add on the fact that she got into a fight while in he underwear and hooked up with a roommate and she looks to be lock in the #2 spot for a while.

3. Knight- I'm surprised he debuts this high but I can't deny his performance thus far. He was really quiet in the first episode, and you start to think he's a disappointment. But he came out of his shell big time. The kid is a funny misogynist (that does occur) who was successful in wooing Jemmye. Sure, wooing Jemmye is about as difficult as finding a racist in Alabama, but still, he delivered on his promise within 3 episodes. He also got into a fight with Ryan, also not the hardest to do, but is still entertaining. Knight says a lot of douchy things, but they are still funny. It's a lot like in Jersey Shore. The Situation is a huge douchebag, but he says a lot of funny things. They are funny because he is so pathetic. Knight is a hugely scaled down, Midwestern version of that. The moment that gets Knight the third spot is his interactions with Jemmye when she's wasted in Episode 3. See above.

4. Preston- I haven't made up my mind on Preston yet. He certainly is involved in a lot of drama, which will almost always put him in the upper half of the rankings. He is quite the player, juggling two guys in one day (I must accept the fact that man on man displays of affection are a part of this show. Male/female interactions happen all the time, and it is hypocritical to not have a problem with that but think they shouldn't show the gay stuff. I usually take the opportunity to make a sandwich when that shows up, but I'm not mad about them showing it at all. Equal opportunity. But something tells me I'll be making a lot of sandwiches this season). Preston has gotten into it a couple of times with Ryan, and we already know there will be some major issues between the two soon.

At the same time, I can see myself getting tired of Preston. Honestly, not a big fan of the personality. The key for him will be being entertaining but not annoying. He could be more like Ryan or more like Ayiiia from RW Cancun. She was causing a lot of drama, but she just sucked as a person and I started tuning her out.

5. Eric- I'm going to give you a perfect example of how important Eric can be to the show. The scene where Jemmye was looking for Knight and Knight was hiding in the bathroom, Eric was with Knight cracking jokes. He was a catalyst to Knight even hiding in the bathroom. And the jokes he was spitting out amplified the hilarity of the situation. Perfect role player. Eric will not be the star of this show. He won't have many episodes where he is the featured sub plot. But this is where he shines. He takes a potentially funny situation and makes it hysterical. Cast members like Eric are vital for a season to be successful. I again make the comparison to Jacquese from RW San Diego, one of the best seasons in my mind. He didn't really stand out, but whenever there was a big moment during the season, he was there to make it even better. Eric is cut from the same mold.

6. Sahar- Much of what was said about Eric can be said about Sahar. It is ironic since they nearly had a romantic fling of their own. When their flirtation was showcased, my reaction was "Aww, that's cute." Aside from this being a sign that my relationship has changed the way I think, it is also funny how it showed how different I view Eric/Sahar from Knight/Jemmye. Eric and Sahar is wholesome. You hope they get married and have kids and coach Tee Ball. Knight and Jemmye is just wrong, and oh so right at the same time. Either way, you hope for humanity's sake they wear condoms.

While I see Eric as the comedic role player, I see Sahar as the dramatic role player. I predict she'll be involved in the flare ups amongst roommates or locals as the one trying to restore order. You also need those people to literally protect the other roommates from being kicked off the show. Sahar will also have her episode devoted to her singing, and I will make a sandwich that takes an hour to make.

7. McKenzie- Man this was a tough one. Part of me wanted to put her ahead of Preston because of the controversy she stirred up in Episode 3. But I just can't justify putting her above anyone else, despite the fact that she was the focal point of last week's episode. Here's why:

a. She was completely M.I.A. in Episode 2. There was literally no footage that the show runners could have used to give her some screen time. That says a lot.

b. She seems to be into Ryan, which boggles the mind. She does live with him, right? She is aware of the things he does. Maybe since she is blonde, and Ryan is blonde and does hair, she finds that attractive.

c. The issue with her friend from home and her hooking up with Ryan bothers me. I can understand if she is upset that her friend wound up spending more time with Ryan than her, but she caused that by cock blocking both Ryan and her friend. As soon as she saw Ryan flirting with "Suze" she made it her mission to be mother goose. I think Suze was upset that McKenzie was treating her like a child. But it was McKenzie who was acting immature.

McKenzie just frustrates me as a man. I think most guys know that girl, the one that gives you all the signs and asks very flirtatious and then gives you the cold shoulder when you try to progress things. I think that's how guys end up in the friends zone. They think they are hitting it off with a woman and then it just never happens. But they keep thinking it will and keep digging themselves in deeper and deeper. Ladies, to be fair, I am giving you the opportunity to comment on that guy if you wish. I know the majority of my audience (probably 3 or 4 by this point) are female so I want to hear what you have to say.

But the worst thing about McKenzie is she doesn't just do some childish things. She is childish. I understand that I'm going to find some things Real Worlders do immature since I am older than all of them. But at the very least, I expect them to have the general personality of an adult. McKenzie just doesn't. And she hasn't been very entertaining, to boot. So for now, she is at the bottom of the barrel.

8. Ashley- After I wrote that last line about McKenzie, I could've swore I was done. That's how forgettable Ashley has been. Seriously, her big moment thus far is making a few layups against Knight. She needs to step it up big time. I don't even have anything more to say, that's how bad she's been. She seems nice.

Alright everyone, look for a very special blog in the coming days. I promise it is thought provoking, intensely researched, and makes me look really pathetic.