Profiles in Courage

What do you make of someone who refers to themselves as “Mr. Beautiful?” Kenny Santucci is an enigma. He should be a hated villain on the Real World, but he is actually extremely likeable. He is boisterous, obnoxious, and egotistical, yet I actively root for him in these competitions and laugh at his over the top insults and tomfoolery. Kenny says some pretty abhorrent things. For example, talking about Evelyn going to exile, Kenny quipped “I hope she falls out of the van and dies.” But you know what? I laughed and said Amen.

I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of a parallel in the sports world. At first I thought of Terrell Owens since it seemed obvious. They both are larger than life, gregarious characters who boast and primp for the cameras. But the key difference is that I actually like Kenny, whereas T.O. is an annoying primadonna. No, I think a more appropriate comparison is Charles Barkley. Sir Charles can pretty much say anything he wants today, and no one bats an eye. He can get arrested for drunk driving and shouting vulgarities at a police officer and come on TNT the next week and act as though nothing happened. And we love him for it. Kenny is the same. He says whatever is on his mind, no matter how insulting it might be. He will downright offend certain people, yet they will be quick to forgive his taunts. Case in point, Sarah (RW:Brooklyn). On the last season of the Challenge, Kenny constantly tormented Sarah. It almost crossed the line for me numerous times. Eventually she broke down. So where is their relationship now? They are best of buds still. Kenny has this charm about him that you just can’t stay mad at. Same with Barkley.

“Mr. Beautiful” doesn’t just have a way with words. He has a way with steroids. On his first season, he was 6 feet of skin and bones. Fast forward to today and the guy is jacked. It is not even an open secret anymore that the guys on the show are juicing. TJ Lavin put it out there on a deleted scene a few years back, and no one seemed to dispute his claim. Now, normally I am vehemently opposed to steroids. But in the case of the Challenge, I am strongly in support of them for two reasons:

1. It makes these guys better athletes. Let’s be real here. There is no purity or integrity on the Challenges. Baseball, basketball , and sort of football are games rooted in our collective history. Adding steroids to these sports taints the legacy of the games (again, football not so much). But when the entire premise behind a tv series is “let’s get attractive young people together and add alcohol and a hot tub and hope clothes come off and fights break” integrity and honor have gone out the window. So when MTV producers decide to add athletic competition to a drunken orgy, we should expect that steroids will also be added to the recipe.

So now that we understand why steroids are an integral part of the Challenge, shouldn’t we want to have our athletes get as big and athletic as possible for our own enjoyment. I’m sorry, but seeing Ryan and Chet (RW: Brooklyn) go against each other in a duel just isn’t the same as Wes verse CT. It’s the same reason why you don’t want to see David Eckstein and Omar Vizquel in a home run derby.

2. Roid rage. When people get drunk, sometimes they get a little violent. Now, when a steroid user gets drunk, often times things get awesome. Unless you’re Adam (RW:Paris). He faced the wrath of a drunken, juiced up CT (who let’s face it, is crazy regardless of drugs and alcohol) and suffered a huge beat down to the point that CT was literally chasing him throughout the house.

The bottom line is fights make for great television and using steroids increases the likelihood of fights. So I am staunchly in favor of the use of steroids for the purpose of increasing the chances of a melee. Until somebody gets killed, then I delete this post and rant against the dangers of steroids on the Challenge.

So it’s easy to see how Kenny is a great cast member based on his personality and habitual use of PEDs. But in case you haven’t noticed, he is awesome at this game. Fresh Meat II is Kenny’s 7^th Challenge. Forget about that fact that he started these things in 2006 and has already done 7 challenges. That does not make him a loser at all. Nope, it makes him a really cool dude. Kenny has already won 3 of these things. If we assume he wins this season, too, then he ties Darrell for most Challenge victories with 4. 4 for 7, pretty good. To win these challenges, you must excel in three areas: Athletics, Deception, and Politicking. Kenny has excelled in all those areas. Let’s look back at all the seasons Kenny participated in.

Season 1: Fresh Meat: Kenny was a rookie here and had a relatively weak teammate in Tina (RR: South Pacific). Tina is the type of girl who is always talking about how great she is and how many bitches’ asses she has to kick. The only problem is she is out of shape and rubs people the wrong way. Thus, people can’t wait to throw her in. Do you know how many Challenges she’s been on the winning side in? 0. That’s right, and Kenny was the unlucky bastard who got paired with her. But you know what? Kenny and Tina still finished second despite going into two exiles. That right there is a great showing for a rookie.

Season 2: The Duel. This was going to be a tough one because it was dependent mainly on alliances. Kenny was still relatively new to the challenges, and thus did not fair as well. He did last until Episode 5, but was sent home over a puzzle elimination game. Now Kenny is not a scientist, unless you count successfully completing a steroid cycle as science. So a puzzle is never going to be good news for him. He was partly unlucky, but not fully ready to succeed at the Challenges.

Season 3: Inferno 3. Kenny’s first win, the one that put him on the map as a legit player. He played this game perfectly, avoiding any infernos and winning the whole shebang with 5 other teammates. Of course, in this season they put Johnny “Bananas” on the Good Guys team. This is the same guy who one day will commit an act of domestic violence.

Season 4: Gauntlet 3. This was my favorite season, although Kenny had little to do with that. He made it through to the end once again without being sent into the gauntlet. He now was clearly an alpha dog. He joined the pantheon of All-Stars. If there was a Mount Rushmore of Challenges, Kenny’s face would be right there next to Evan. An interesting side plot this season involved the budding bromance between Kenny and Evan. Those two were meant for each other. They both started in Fresh Meat and immediately took control of the game. Kenny’s team didn’t win in the end, but it wasn’t due to him. You got to take notice when a player firmly establishes himself as a elite player and the team doesn’t even win. Season 4 deserves its own column.

Season 5: The Island: I would have to say this was one of the best seasons in terms of strategy. Kenny picked an alliance with Johnny, Paula, and a few others and road it to a victory. The great thing about Kenny this season was he was part of a group that royally screwed over a good friend. Johnny “Bananas” was an absolute dick this season, giving rise to his future nickname, Johnny “Domestic Violence.” Kenny was his best friend during the season, and it seemed that his ass would be on the chopping block like Kenny’s when TJ Lavin kept deciding to change the rules.

-Side note: Have you ever seen a season where they kept changing the rules simply to keep the season interesting. There was an alliance in place that was clearly running things. It became obvious who the winners would be from about halfway through the season. You can blame this on the producers who created a game where you actually wanted to go into an exile. Thus, the people in power could control who went in and who lost out on a chance to make it to the end. So the producers decide to throw multiple wrenches into the game and constantly change the rules to suit the people not in power. It was kind of like MTV’s version of socialism. For a sport that is trying to gain legitimacy as America’s fourth professional sport, this season really set the Challenge back some years.

So Kenny and Johnny were calling the shots the entire time, but Kenny had to be a loyal friend and ally by working behind the scenes to keep Johnny safe. This despite the fact that Johnny was a significant liability, based on the aforementioned dickish behavior. Yet Kenny somehow managed to secure a victory for himself, Johnny, Good Guy Derrick, and Mongrel-Bitch Evelyn. At the same time, he was able to come across as a good guy despite screwing over his good friend, Paula. Of all the seasons, this was Kenny’s best performance.

Season 6: The Ruins: Kenny took a season off to do god knows what. Seriously, what possibly was going on in his life that he couldn’t do another Challenge. Job? Something tells me this wasn’t the reason. If I ever get a chance to talk with Kenny, I have to remind myself to ask him this.

This was a fantastic season that featured Darrell knocking out a belligerently drunk Brad. One of the best Brad moments ever (There will be a list, trust me.) This season featured a Murderer’s Row of Challenge Veterans, including Kenny, Johnny, Evan, Darrell, Brad, and Derrick. Built as a Champions Vs. Challengers, it was no surprise that the final team of Kenny, Johnny, Evan, Susie, and Derrick beat Sarah and Kellyanne. Yes, you heard correctly. That was the final two teams. This season wasn’t anything special for Kenny, just another W. Are these even fun anymore for him?

I feel like Kenny has become Jordan from 1996-1998. Jordan was still winning championships, only now they were coming easier. The same for Kenny. The Ruins and Fresh Meat 2 seemed like foregone conclusions that Kenny was winning. Sure there were some compelling moments (Jordan’s game winner over Byron Russell in the 98 Finals, Kenny ruining the Wes/Evelyn alliance in Fresh Meat 2) but overall their greatness simply overwhelmed the competition.

The great thing about Kenny is he gets it. By it, I mean the absurdity, stupidity, and ridiculousness of everything that encompasses the Real World Challenges and reality tv in general. He knows what he does really means very little. He also figured out how to milk at least 5 years of a career out of doing a reality game show, essentially. He’s in his late twenties and has made nearly $1 million by having fun on television. The way he’s playing it, he might not have to do another real day of work for the rest of his life. And we should admire that, in a way. For Kenny is the American Dream….gonorrhea and all.